Cherry

Chapter 31

Cherry

Ethan is art. Not the kind of art that an ordinary person could create, though. He's a piece of artwork that someone like Raffaello Sanzio or Leonardo da Vinci crafted. Ethan deserves to hang high upon a sacred art museum's wall, considering that art is meant to be shared. I can't ask him to move to San Francisco with me. As much as I have fantasized about that, it would be selfish of me. Ethan has a life in Boston, and that life doesn't have me in it.

As I look at him to the right of me in bed, in a peaceful slumber, it's like I can feel my heart begin to dismember. How can I do this to him? How am I going to be able to look into his puppy dog eyes and tell him that we have to end things? How am I even going to be able to live without him? The more I look at him sleeping, with his bed hair, the more my heart aches. I'm trying to do him a favor, but I fear all I'm going to do is break his heart, simply because I'm a coward.

Last night was the closest we've ever been. We slept together and didn't even bother getting clothed after. I laid on his chest and he wrapped his arms around my body with no barrier blocking us. It was just my skin on top of his. I could feel his heartbeat. Of course, I've laid on him before and felt his heart beating for me, but last night it was amplified. We were the closest two people could possibly be.

I look over at the clock on my desk, which informs me that I have an hour before I have to leave. Every time I blink, it feels like my eyes are throbbing. I touch my eyes, and my under-eye bags' size feels intensified. Then, the memory of crying myself to sleep last night shoots through my brain. Makes sense.

I cannot cry today like I did last night. I hate when other people see me cry, especially my family.

Distracting me from thinking about last night, I hear Ethan shuffle around in bed. When I look back over at him, I notice his eyes slowly opening.

"Hey, I was just about to wake you," I tell him, now having less than an hour before I have to leave.

He rubs his eyes tiredly and looks at me while he smiles. "You look so beautiful in the morning."

I wistfully smile at him and say, "I can say the same about you."

I feel something hop on my lap, so I look away from Ethan and to the feeling. I see Cora's cat has plopped himself on me, looking up at me as he purrs.

"You're beautiful, too," I begin to pet his furry head. "Be good while I'm gone. Don't get in too much trouble."

In response, all he does is rub his head against my body, wanting even more affection from me.

I feel the mattress shift a little, and look at Ethan, realizing he's scooting closer to us. He puts his arm around me and his other hand reaches out to Ollie. Ethan begins to pet him, and Ollie leaves my lap to rest in Ethan's.

Watching Ethan pet Ollie so gently reminds me of how gentle he's always been with me. Even his actions are gentle, like the surprise date at the diner last night. The way Ethan held me so close and danced with me like we were the only two in the world. The way he touched my body slowly and gently last night after he helped me pack. It was so sweet and felt like something from a dream. But, I can't believe I allowed myself to get wrapped up in a fantasy world. I should have remembered I'm a walking nightmare.

***

After carrying out my suitcases to the car, Mom suggested driving all of us to the airport. I couldn't refuse, so I told her that she could. So, Mom rode in the driver's seat, Momma in the passenger seat, and Ethan, Cora, and I in the back. It was a pretty long drive, so we all took turns playing our favorite songs to pass the time. Everyone was happily singing along to the music, but all I wanted to do was sleep. Between the crying, overthinking, and nightmares, I didn't get much rest last night.