Cherry

Chapter 34

Cherry

"I think our meetings have been going great so far. So, with that being said, Cherry, do you want to open up a little more? Maybe talk about that day at the beach?" Dr. Sanchez asks me as she clicks her pen with a notebook in her lap.

I shift in my seat, trying to find a comfortable position to tell the story. I know she already knows what happened, considering my doctor referred me to her and obviously had to tell her why I needed to see her. She just wants to see if I'm capable of talking to someone about my emotions. So, I guess I'll prove to her that I can, since my parents are paying for this session, after all.

And the one before this one.

I lick my dry lips before I begin to speak to give me some extra time to think back to that day. I remember how low I felt, and remember how I've never been that depressed in my life. And that says a lot, considering everything I've been through.

I look down at my white tennis shoes as I begin to tell my therapist about what could have been my last living day on Earth.

"I was feeling really low. The lowest I've ever felt, actually."

I look away from my shoes and up at Dr. Sanchez, watching her nod her head and write something down in her notebook. Then, she asks, "Why did you feel that way? What had been making you sad?"

"What doesn't make me sad would be an easier question," I find myself chuckling, but my therapist doesn't join me. She sits up straighter in her chair and stares into my eyes like she has x-ray vision and can analyze my thoughts this way. So, I wipe the smile off my face and get serious. You're here to get better for your family, take it seriously.

"I was sad about leaving Ethan, first of all."

"The guy you were seeing last summer, correct?"

"Yes," I answer her, though her wording seems to downplay what Ethan and I actually were. I sigh, and continue, "Being alone at college is usually good for me. But, this year, I couldn't stop thinking about Momma's cancer, and Ethan, and my nightmares got so bad that I couldn't sleep. I would fall asleep during my classes from being up for days at a time. I got burnt out on school. I didn't even want to paint, and I'm in art school, so that says a lot."

"Tell me about your nightmares. You told me that they're about your past, but you've never specified," she pushes her glasses farther up her face.

"They're always about my birth mom," I clarify.

"What was your most recent one?"

Remembering my latest nightmare isn't hard for me, as it happened last night. It was so realistic I could feel everything happening. I thought it was real, even after I woke up. Thank God I don't have a roommate this year.

"I was at the lake. Well, a lake in my hometown that's like my spot, I guess. I went there a lot with Ethan last summer," I begin to tell her the story. "Anyway, I was there in the dream. But I was a kid."

"Could you see yourself?"

I think back to the dream. "Well, no."

"Then how do you know you were younger?"

"I called her Mom when I was little, and now I call her my birth mom. So, in my dreams, I know I'm little because I always call her Mom."

Dr. Sanchez nods her head and begins to write more things in her notebook. "Interesting. Continue."

"I was sitting in front of the lake and dipping my feet in the water. The day was bright and peaceful. But, then I turned around and saw my birth mom running towards me. Everything when dark, like it was night all of a sudden. Then, all I remember is her trying to drown me. It all felt so real," I shift my eyes throughout the room, anywhere but on Dr. Sanchez's eyes.