unloved weapon

hallucination

George POV

I disgust myself.

I feel how tears build up in my eyes and I slowly cover my mouth with my hand. I turn my head to Clay, but his back is turned to me.

I feel how my breathing gets heavier and the world gets louder. I hear the cars, but my own breathing inside of me is the loudest.

my chest moves up and down while my hand trembles. tears run down my cheeks and my other hand holds my chest.

I try to be as quiet as I can, but the more tears fall down the louder my breathing gets.

my hand automatically removes itself from my mouth and I quickly sit myself up.
I breath in and out before I look to Clay.

my breath is shaky and rough.
my eyes burn and my hand trembles the more I think about it.

It gets louder and louder, it gets so loud that I cover my ears and just stare into the nothing.

"George?" Clays voice appears calm and clear before everything gets quiet. I look to the side and see him staring at me with sleepy eyes.

I don't know if i'm feeling relieved or embarrassed.
but there's one thing I know, my mouth won't open.

"what's wrong?" he slowly stands up and walks over to me. I watch every single step of him.

"did you have a nightmare?" he sleepily asks but I don't know what to answer, I don't know anything.

he stares into my eyes.

"it's alright." he suddenly hugs me, he suddenly gives me a warm hug.

without wanting to my hands hike around his stomach and I feel a warmth appear inside of me, a comfortable warmth.

saying he does nothing.
It's quiet between us.
a comfortable quietness.

it was so quiet and comfortable that I didn't even notice how my tears disappeared.

my eyes start to burn, not because of some tears, but because of tiredness.
"Clay?" I mumble "hm?" he sleepily makes.

"you can go back to your bed." i say "you sure?" he breaks the hug "yeah, thanks." I feel my cheeks heat up.

"If you don't feel good, wake me up." he says, still looking into my eyes, "I will."
we look into each other's eyes for a few more minutes before he walks back to his bed.

"sleep well." he says "you too." I put the blanket over myself.

1pm

what's even the point to keep trying being number 1? Clay beat me and that's it.. I can't do anything else.

I tried my best to get to the number one, but it doesn't work. I can't do anything more than that.

"aren't you going to pay attention?" Clay suddenly asks me "I should ask you." I laugh it off.

"I pay attention in my own way." he says "I do the same?" I say "that's not your way of paying attention." he looks away.

not my way of paying attention?
how does he want to know? maybe it is my way of paying attention.

I look down to my paper.
It's empty.

when I look back up I see Tom standing at the front. my hand starts to tremble while his eyes stay on me and my eyes stay on him.

I blink a few times and then he disappears..

"can I use the restroom?" I ask "yeah, sure." the teacher says and I quickly get up to walk out of the classroom.

I splash the water against my face and look into the mirror, and there he was again.. right behind me.

I quickly turn around, and was about to hit him, but he disappeared.

am I really hallucinating about him again?
I close my eyes and hold my breath for as long as I can, while looking into my own eyes after opening them.

maybe I didn't catch enough sleep?

why was he even here..

my phone in my pocket suddenly rings. I take it out and see that it's my mom.
a wonder that she's calling me.

"Hello?" I say "George." she says "yes?"
"what did your friends do to Tom!" she asks "he was acting like a child." I say.

"like a child? he's a grown man." she says "but he doesn't act like it." I mumble "you have open your mouth lately pretty wide."

"why aren't you in class right now?"
"because I had to use the restroom?" I say "you know what I told you about using the restroom!"

"I'm second place, so it doesn't matter anymore-"
"be careful how you talk to me!" she hangs up out of the nowhere.

I look down to my phone.

she's my mom, yeah.. but she makes me hate her more and more every time we talk.

"what took you so long?" Clay asks as soon as I sit down "i was on my phone." I whisper to him "George on his phone?" he laughs.

"yep." I look away from him "focus now." he puts his arm around me. I lean back and ignore his arm.

Clay and I got closer. I feel comfortable around him.. I start to see him as a friend of mine.

maybe it was wrong to try and be friends with him just because of school.. I can be friends with him and good at school with his help.

I was wrong about you, Clay.
you aren't as bad as I thought.

"come on, lets go." Clay breaks my thoughts "huh?" I look up to him "it's break time." he says "oh." i make before I stand up.

"I'm starving!" he sighs "buy yourself something to eat then." I say "no.. I don't want to waste money for nothing." he says.

"for nothing?" I look confused at him "we'll eat in a little anyways, so it's no big deal." Clay says.

"I can buy you something." I tilt my head to the side "no-" I cut him off "I'm hungry anyway- so I'll get you something too." I walk away from him.

I don't even know what he likes-
"Two bread with chicken." I say, lets hope he likes it.

"I didn't know what exactly to get you, but here." I had him a bread "is this fine?"
"I like those the most." he laughs "thanks George."

I feel my cheeks heat up.

"yeah, whatever- you're welcome." I look away and bite into my sandwich.

Clay POV

I stare at my phone, not knowing what to do when tic appears in front of me.

"hey clay." he smiles and sits down next to me "hey, what's up?" I put my phone back into my pocket.

"not much.." he says "there's something I need to tell you." he looks to me "what is it?" i ask "it's about George.."

"I notice that you two got close, but I want to warn you." he suddenly says "warn me?" i look confused at him.

"yes.. he wants to use you for good grades." tic says "wha- stop lying dude!" i get up "I've proof!" he quickly pulls his phone out.

"here!"

"what?" George's voice appears "I'm just asking.." tic says "you and clay started to hang out, so I thought you guys would be friends now."

"you know.." George starts "i can't stand clay." he suddenly says "but I've to pretend like i do, so I can get better than him in school."

my eyes wide and I look at tic.
"send it to me." I say "send- okay!" he says and quickly sends it over to me.

"Thanks tic. really." I say before leaving.

he's so done!