Harry Potter Short Stories

Confounded Confundus

"Parked all right, then?" Ron asked Harry. "I did. Hermione didn't believe I could pass a Muggle driving test, did you? She thought I'd have to Confund the examiner."

"No, I didn't," said Hermione, "I had complete faith in you."

"As a matter of fact, I did Confund him," Ron whispered to Harry, as together they lifted Albus's trunk and owl onto the train. "I only forgot to look in the wing mirror, and let's face it, I can use a Supersensory Charm for that."

Harry nearly dropped the trunk.

"Excuse me?" he hissed, whirling on Ron. "You did what?"

"Not so loud!" Ron protested as Hermione peered at them oddly.

"Answer me, or I'll get a lot louder," Harry snarled, leaning closer. "You actually Confunded the driving examiner?"

"Well - yes," Ron said under his breath, his eyes darting towards the curious Hermione, "but he was being unreasonable, Harry! He would have failed me over one thing I could fix with-"

"Did you cast the Supersensory Charm for your exam?"

Ron was taken aback. "Well, no, but-"

"It's not important, anyway," Harry snapped. "Ron, you were an Auror. You have no excuse. You know the laws. We helped make them, remember? In their current forms, at any rate. Muggle-baiting is -"

"It was just a Confundus Charm!" Ron snarled, now getting his dander up. "You can't compare me to Malfoy!"

"Even Malfoy doesn't go around bragging about hexing Muggles these days!" Harry snarled back. "Out of curiosity, Ron, did you dispel the Confundus?"

"Oi, stop sounding so damn much like-" Ron remembered himself, or rather he remembered the presence of the witch in question. "It'll go away on its own."

"Well, you better hope he'd gotten home safely by that point," Harry said under his breath in a sickly-sweet voice of which Umbridge might have been proud, "without getting into any accidents because he forgot to look in his wing mirror, or making a mistake after you left that cost him his job, or-"

Ron shoved him in the chest. "Being Head Auror's gone to your bloody head!" he shouted, and whirled around to stalk back to his family. "The old Harry would have never treated me like this!"

"The old Ron would have never done something like this," Harry muttered, his eyes narrowed. Sickly-sweet voice aside, he hadn't been joking - Ron had better hope his Confundus hadn't resulted in any trouble for the man. That would raise the charge from "Muggle-baiting" to "Muggle-baiting resulting in physical, personal, or financial harm", at least.

For many reasons, he hoped desperately it wasn't raised to "Muggle-baiting resulting in death".

"Ron," Hermione began, her brow furrowing as she watched Ron silently fuming, "what's-"

"Shut up!" he yelled. Rose and Hugo looked away, their faces set in the dull resignation of long-time experience, as Ron jabbed a finger at Harry. "You! It's you! You're ruining Rose's special day!"

Harry only raised an eyebrow as Ron continued to seethe and sputter, thinking that Ron had no idea of what a ruined day was. He wasn't likely to get one until Harry tracked down the driving examiner in question and began the investigation.

For the sake of the Ron he'd once known - or at least for Ron's family - he hoped it would stop there. Not likely, unfortunately. He knew from over a decade of experience that offenders reckless enough to brag to their friends about their exploits often had several previous undiscovered offenses that had desensitized them to the notion of consequences for their actions. He raised his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, and caught Ginny shooting him a sympathetic glance before turning back to look at her infuriated brother with mingled disgust and shame.

The prospect of having to open an investigation into his brother-in-law and former best friend - whom, he was now sure, would never cease to remind him of those connections in desperate attempts to get the ensuing charges dropped - was not a pleasant one. He thought Hermione would likely take his side on the matter over Ron's, which both comforted him and dropped another weight upon his shoulders: such a thing would certainly be the final straw for his friends' tempestuous marriage, and what free time he had left after the twin obligations of work and family would be spent supporting Hermione during what was sure to be an acrimonious divorce. Then there would be the Howlers from his mother-in-law, and whatever unpleasant complications might arise from discovering Ron's probable other offenses with the Confundus, and...

For one selfish moment, he wished Ron had kept his bloody mouth shut.

Then he packed away his self-pity and turned toward his eldest son, who was coming running back toward them with some piece of exciting gossip, completely oblivious to the drama that had just unfolded. Harry would gladly keep it that way for now. He had his duties, and those of a father superseded those of the Head Auror on this day of all days.

Dealing with Ron's rot could wait until he got home.

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