Incassable

Entry 4: Awakening my Eros

It wasn't what she was offering me on the bed that I wanted to say "no" to. In fact, based on the wetness I felt on my fingers, what she offered on the bed was what I very much craved. I would have begged for it if I could have moved. However, there was the overwhelming magical presence I felt slide out of me when I orgasmed. As I processed, I could feel her Eros grabbing me and forcing me to move. It was making it so I could not refuse nor be resistant. Yet, I was afraid of what I felt was coming. I knew there would be pain. And even though I wanted what she promised physically, my mind screamed at me to resist the magic she was using. Looking back, I should not have resisted.

I forced my mouth to make the words "No". It was soft but I felt her magic freeze on my body. I was half-way between the door and the bed at that point and stumbled slightly. For once, Acrasia was met with something unexpected. She expected me to yield. "No" I said louder; I stood straighter and more confident then I felt. I felt her anger. "How dare you say no to me, my little pet". I refused to look at her eyes. I refused. I had found a spot to focus on above her eye where a small mole resided. A single imperfection. She knew this and I could tell she was growing more agitated. I am unsure of why she did not just kill me or use me as food for the Family. I know that she was capable of that...and so much more. Instead, she chose pain.

She would say no more to me that night. She would speak in her own language using her Eros. She stood up and her Eros lifted me off the ground to stand before her at the end of the bed. I knew...I somehow knew that if I looked in her eyes, I would lose. But, no matter the volume of my metaphysical cries, the yells in my head of no, I was forced to look.

Régine had the power to gently call to my Eros. I know as I have seen it and, in some cases, have been able to use it to spare others the fate I endured that night, Acrasia was determined to force it out; she wanted to elicit pain from the pleasure. I had never resisted anything in my life but resisted this. My eyes were wild; trying to find something to focus on. Regine was like a large cat. She merely waited. She was patient as she sauntered in front of me. She knew I would look eventually. And she was right. The second my eyes met hers, my senses became overwhelmed and I sat frozen in fear. I did not crave this. I was not prepared for the strength her Eros displayed as it forced its way through my metaphysical shields. Her beast, forced inside of my being and wove its way through my body.

I could feel the pain of her metaphysical intrusion within every sense of my body. Her Eros clawed its way in and out of my body; ripping at my shoulder, my stomach, and my backside. Causing pain in the most vulnerable parts of myself. I wanted to scream but no words escaped my lips. Regine came behind me and I felt her breasts press into my back as her arms wrapped around me. My eyes were blank as her Eros stretched the inside of my body; calling something that was not meant to awaken yet.

I still see flashes of the ceiling. I know I laid naked in the bed with her touching me. I have flashes of her fingers, covered with small drops of blood, pushing their way in and out of me and my back bowed as my arms clutch at the red silk sheets. I can still feel them just beyond my fingertips. I remember how they felt as I held on to them hoping to use them as an anchor. Physically, my body felt amazing. I could feel that pressure building again within me as her hands explored my pussy and teased my breasts. Her tongue licking and swirling my breasts and clit between her experienced tongue. I remember those few pleasure that night.

But, there was an enemy. A beast had penetrated my senses and I would lose the feelings and be overwhelmed with fear. Then it was back to being trapped with a metaphysical beast that was trying to stretch inside my body. Explore all the dark parts within me. The black beast was sleek and strong and pacing within me. It was scratching at the walls and pouncing at the vulnerable parts of myself. It made low growls as if it was calling to something. And I could feel it stirring within me. A beast all my own and it was running right towards Acrasias Eros. At Acrasia's calling, my beast, my Eros, came running from some hidden part of me. I have yet to understand this space within me that carries my power. It is the place where my Eros rests until it must be fed. This beast within my body that has a hunger unlike any I can describe.