The Thoughts Of Amber

Chapter Two: The Daisy & The Crow

Growing up, I always had cats in my house all the time. My mother had this infatuation with them; a little bit of my grandmother did, too. Now, I'm the crazy lady with the cats in her home in a one-bedroom apartment. My mother always believed that cats were always our people; sometimes, they were our long-lost family from back in the day that reincarnated; we called them our familiars. In this family, all cats were our familiars. But the little thing that nobody knew was that our crow was also our familiar. Yes, you read it.. a crow.

I was not born yet when my sister died, and there are multiple stories about how her death happened. Do I believe most of them? No. Do I think that she actually died from SIDS? Absolutely not, but there is this one story in particular that I was told multiple times in different ways.

My mother doesn't like talking about her. That was her first daughter, and everyone knows I am her second daughter; everyone believes that I am a miracle child, as my mother says. I'm her miracle baby. My brothers have always gotten jealous because they thought I was my mother's favorite, and if I was, why was that a crime? But let us not forget about the story where I apparently ripped the head off of my mermaid, so who favors whom?

The thing about miracles is they come in different ways, and as you know, our familiars come as cats and maybe more forms of animals, especially crows. To my point, I think my sister was killed. And I'm not blaming anybody, and I don't want to point fingers; you probably think I'm blaming my mother at this point when I actually have a brother named Corey. He was not a miracle baby; he was the spawn of satan.. he had no remorse; my mother likes to believe that it was an injury that made him have no remorse when I think that he had no remorse from the beginning of his lifetime. Or maybe it's my hatred towards him because he molested me. And I think that's why my sister reincarnated into a crow, always to ensure that everything was okay to protect us because nobody was there to protect her. I'm not saying that my mother was not a protective person. Still, when you kind of think about it, nobody was there to stop the covering of a pillow over the one that was being smothered; you will make believe a story in your head to forget what truly happened. Still, for now, we're just going to blame the SIDS because that's what the authorities did.

Have you ever had a favorite pet in your life? Well, I did. I had a cat named Daisy. She was my first cat, my very first lovable cat, and let me tell you, she was spicy but very fearless. The last thing I remember of her was playing with a butterfly outside of our motel room; because we lived in a motel, my family and I did.. she was killed by the next-door neighbor who was constantly on drugs, and my belief says that she reincarnated into a butterfly and that's how I know she'll always be with me. She comes by every summer and spring to say hello to me wherever I am, and my sister comes every time she wants to give a warning.

Miracles. They come in many different ways. It can be in various religions, other forms, different sayings, & in many different beings. I have tons of miracles. I am one of them. It's a lot of pressure being a miracle. You always have to be on high standards of everybody's point of view. I question how my sister does it in the afterlife. Maybe she's asking me how I'm doing it all in the real world.

I still am who I am. I'm the daughter of a mother with different roles in her life, and sadly, my mother is becoming my grandmother. This family has so many miracles, so much hurt, and trauma. I want to stop the cycle. The sad part is I don't know how or when I will. But one day, it will come to me, so hopefully, my miracle will come soon. Or has it?