Melody of You | Yuzuru Hanyu

52.

Nationals, as most of his competitions, started out quite well. 

Sophia had a bad feeling all weekend and wasn't even sure why. 

Yuzuru had been more cheerful ever since their talk. Of course, he was still mad at himself about the previous competition but he seemed to be getting better with every day that passed.

Soph just felt like he was more tired than usual, and it didn't surprise her much. Despite Yuzuru's beliefs that he was invincible, his asthma was still quite real and something he had to fight with. The very busy schedule of competitions he had that year took a toll on him, not only physically but also mentally.

And unfortunately, it showed. The night before the Free Program, she was lying in his arms in the hotel bed and could feel his heavy breaths. Yuzu tried to hide everything, as he always does, knowing how worried she could get, but it was useless when she could read him so well.

"You're not okay" Sophia said and he just kissed her forehead.

"I can't withdraw"

"You have to... Yuzu, this is your health here, not just a ligament injury. Asthma can be very serious."

"I know... you know I do. I've been doing this for a long time. Trust me that it's ok."

"I've seen your peak flow measures, it's not ok."

"If I don't skate, they will have reasons to get back at me... If I do, they can't say anything. I haven't been at Nationals in 4 years and I'm sick of hearing people say it is on purpose."

Sophia could only stare at him incredulously.

"Are you seriously going to risk your health because you don't want people talking shit?"

"And because I want to go to 4CC and my legacy doesn't assure me that"

"Your legacy?" Sophia just sat in the bed and looked at him with a pissed look. "You're a two-time Olympic champion...if that isn't enough, I'm not sure what it is"

"They don't care, Soph. I'm too tired to argue and explain why the Fed wants me out, but just trust me on this."

"And who will take you to the hospital once it's over?"

Yuzuru sat to her level and kissed her lips very gently. "I love you" he said in an almost silent tone. "Be patient with me... don't leave me." he almost begged and it brought Sophia back to their conversation a few days prior. His insecurities always shocked her but his sensitive side was one of the reasons why she loved him so much.

She chuckled at his words and kissed him back as softly as he did.

"I'm too gone for that you silly. I love you. But I will still be mad if this turns out to be very bad for you.

"I wouldn't expect anything else from you."

"And don't you dare to enter the self-depreciating spiral when you lose like at the GPF."

Yuzu pretended to be hurt by her words and she only laughed.

"You think I will lose?"

"It wouldn't surprise me that much."

"Hey!"

"Yuzu, you can't even breathe properly laying down, let alone skating..."

"Maybe... but I'm not ready to be a thing of the past already"

"That was one of the most depressive things I have ever heard you say..."

"I'm getting old."

"And hot, what's the problem?"

"Hot? Are you telling me you like older men?"

"Just you...No other"

"hmm."

"Let's get some rest, you need it!"

Yuzuru was out of it in no time and Sophia only hoped things would look better in the morning.

But they weren't.

If anything, his breathing looked and sounded worse.

As much as she tried, nothing was enough to demotivate that man and in the end, despite giving possibly one of his worst performances ever, with bad landings and falls over and over again, Yuzuru somehow managed the silver.

What worried Sophia was the cost of this little adventure. It was easy to tell just how tired he was by looking at his skating. It wasn't as flowy as she was used to seeing and was slower as well. The power of the character wasn't there. For Soph, it looked almost as if he was skating by obligation and not for the joy it brought.

When he finally finished, it was easy to tell how weak he was as well as incredibly out of breath. From the distance, Sophia watched him in the kiss and cry with Ghislain and Brian. His breath was too audible to miss, his body looked ready to collapse. For the first time in years, Yuzuru lost the Japanese nationals, but that didn't worry her.

At that point, the only thing Sophia cared about was getting him his inhaler and making sure he didn't need a doctor.

She might have made him late for all the interviews that awaited, but there was no chance in hell he was going looking like that.

In minutes, she made him sit in a secluded room taking deep breaths and using his inhaler. Soph got him to use his control meter to make sure his levels weren't too critical before he left the room. Only about half an hour later was she convinced it would be alright, even if he was still significantly out of breath.

Sophia didn't bother trying to convince him to skip interviews. But still worried about his health nonetheless. She was sure that there was some kind of pressure from the Japanese Federation that made him think he had to skate in those conditions. It was a topic Yuzu usually avoided but one she needed to explore if this kept happening.

That night, Yuzuru barely said any words when he entered the hotel room. He greeted her softly and changed his clothes, joining her on the bed. Wordlessly, he pulled her body towards his and closed his eyes, too tired to even speak.

She kissed his lips almost immediately, saying an almost quiet "I love you, please be ok". Yuzuru had a smile on his face once those words were uttered. Tightening his hold on her waist he kissed her back, eyes still closed.

"We'll talk tomorrow" he said with a rough voice."I love you."