The golden

Chapter 8- Aftermath

TW: idk, anxiety?

~Onyx's POV~

     "Stop it, you're acting like a child," Leo told me turning to look at Atlas. I can't, I can't, I'm not a monster, I'm not a monster right? No I can't be. I don't kill without remorse, I don't want to kill, but do I? No I do not, stop it. I'm a good person right? No, no I'm not.

     I wiped my face vigorously, cowering back into the chair. Kai made a strangled noise and I looked up. He was holding Atlas, who wasn't responding and had went limp, his head lolling forward. 

     "Stay where you are," Leo said to me and walked over to Kai, helping him drag Atlas out of the chair and over to the infirmary. Atlas made one tiny noise and then went quiet, which made Kai panic even more. Ema followed them, the door closing behind her. I dropped my head and stared at my hands. Iris let out a shaky breath and I looked up slightly. 

     She looked furious, her hands were clenched so tight they were turning white, and she had her eyes squeezed shut, breathing heavily. I don't know what happened, but I'm not eager to talk to her. It was bad enough that i lost my temper, but attacking her, I'm in deep shit now. 

     "Look what happens you don't calm down and listen," Iris said through clenched teeth and I flinched. Fuck, I'm fucked. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. What's happening to me? Why am I having random periods of rage and fear instead of consistent emotion? Help me.

     Emotions. That's what happened. Atlas is an empath. My emotions were affecting him. It's my fault, all of it.

     "If you had just calmed down for a second, we could have fixed the situation, but no. You just had to bitch and whine," Iris said and I winced. She wasn't wrong, if I had calmed down, if I could get myself under control, I could've stopped this from happening. What's wrong with me?

     "I'm sorry," I managed to choke out, reaching up and wiping my eyes. I tried to take a breath, but it felt like my throat had completely sealed up. I let the little air I got back out in a shuddering breath. 

     "I'm sorry, I don't know why I- I can't- I don't know" I tried again but sounded like an idiot.

    "That shit could've killed him. You attacked me, and I don't know the full extent why. Also what is with the mood changes?" Iris responded, prompting me to lift my head slightly to look at her. Her eyes were dark green now, how did that? What?

     "I'm not a monster, I have remorse. Also I don't know, I don't know what's wrong with me"

     "Ok what I said was a bit far but you were throwing a tantrum."

     "I was scared and angry"

     "Of what?" You. Past. Abandonment. Myself. I didn't answer her and just looked down instead.

     "You need to see someone, you have really bad anxiety" She said and I looked up at her, confused as to why she knew that.

     "What?"

     "Observation?" She said tentatively. She wasn't making a statement, it was more like she was hoping I'd believe it even if she didn't.

     "At least I didn't come back to another shouting match," Leo said coming out of the infirmary. My eyes widened and I looked back down at my lap, now afraid of Leo. It takes a lot to get Leo angry with you, especially if you're his friend. And when he does get angry, it's not fun. I studied my hands, noticing the tremble I had, probably from anxiety. I fucked up bad.