Ronance Oneshots! (And other ST oneshots!)

Oneshot 8- I only went upstairs to cry // Robin Buckley

Robin Buckley has always known she was different. She knows that not everyone has to stop themselves from fiddling or moving their hands constantly and that not everyone gets overwhelmed by senses and sometimes is unable to speak. She knows she's different. Sometimes it's easy to deal with and know her friends accept her rambling and 'fun' differences. But it's not the same when she's having to hide in a bathroom to avoid embarrassment when overwhelmed.
(Title is a line from Maya Hawke's song 'Luna Moth' cause I don't think I've ever done a lyric from a song before :3)

Hey y'all! Just a little note that the experience of being autistic and having meltdowns or shutdowns varies from each autistic person but this is based around what I experience personally as an autistic person and this could be different for anyone!! It is a hurt/comfort though cause it starts a bit angsty with negatives thoughts and such but Steve eventually comes to help Robin (if Steve is a bit out of character it's cause I tried to make it seem like him while simultaneously imagining how amazingly helpful my own best friend is).

Word count: 2,338

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Tears threaten to spill from her eyes as she slams the bathroom door behind her — flinching at the sound — before locking it and sliding to the ground. Her hands grip her hair as she struggles not to hit her head, instead rocking slightly and trying to loudly hum. Voices are heard from behind the door, but she can't bear to focus on them and instead tries to block them out. She hates knowing that everyone would have seen her panic to run into the bathroom. She hates knowing that she'll have to emerge eventually and explain everything. Explain how sometimes, she just gets too overwhelmed. That the loud music and voices and bright living room lights became too much like they often do and it's all just too... too much. It's such a dumb thing and she desperately does not want to have to explain anything.

She wishes she could just be in her bed back at her place, under a pile of blankets with her favorite songs playing through her earbuds so she can calm down. She feels so stupid reacting to things this badly. Hell, she's been through worse. She's been captured by Russians and been in the Upside Down. She was fine then. Maybe she panicked, but she'd had people she could trust with her and frankly, when the focus is on literally surviving, it's hard to be bothered by other things. But now? Now she's in a bathroom curled up on the floor, eyes scrunched shut, because her friends played some music too loud at a party celebrating defeating Vecna. Could it be that now there's no other-worldly threat, her brain is trying to cope with getting back to normal? Maybe. Whatever the reason, it fucking sucks.

What could be anywhere from half an hour to an hour passes, and Robin finally feels like she's calming down a bit more. She's not rocking anymore, but her hands are sore from clenching her hair so tightly. Slowly letting go of her now, very messy hair, she moves her fingers for a bit of circulation and wipes her face. She stops humming too, instead trying to take deep breaths, even if her breath is still shaky. She's not sure what to do now. Going back to everyone else is not an option right now, not when she isn't even sure if she can manage to talk. She doesn't need people worrying about her. Making her feel awkward for not talking like normal. She certainly doesn't have the energy to force herself to talk either.

As tears well up in the corners of her eyes again, she quickly wipes them away, bringing her legs to her chest to hug and rest her head on. She keeps trying to breathe better while trying to also organize some of her racing thoughts. It's difficult, it always is, and it doesn't help that this isn't just happening in her room at home or somewhere like at school in a bathroom when she wouldn't care about skipping classes she didn't even have with any friends anyways. This is with the people she's closest to, just downstairs having a party. She can hear the music faintly, and can practically feel the judgment of being gone so long. It doesn't matter if the small rational part of her brain knows her friends wouldn't judge her. The rest of her brain thinks otherwise.