Dirty Little Secret

thirteen

I wake up with a throbbing headache, I swear my head's threatening to split into two right now. I feel around beside me and find the next spot empty.

Nothing new.

I open my eyes and see there's a letter and a glass of water on my bedside table. I sit up and rub the sleep from eyes, letting nausea settle in. I grab the letter and open it.

Good morning Ryan,

 

Sorry I couldn't join you this morning and had to leave you alone when you woke up. Work came up and I had to head out of town for a job.

 

I'll be back this evening and we'll have dinner together, I already made reservations so I am really hoping you'd say yes. (Not forcing you to but I actually sorta am.)

 

Beside this letter is a glass of water, I melted an aspirin in this water which will help with your headache.

 

I'll see you tonight, take care of yourself.

 

 

-          Lance.

 

I take the glass and down the whole water and wait for the meds to kick in.

Lance has been nothing but amazing. I have no idea why on Earth I deserve someone like him, but I certainly am not passing up this chance, I'd be the biggest idiot if I let him go.

After 30 minutes or so, the headache subsides but my body feels incredibly tired still and it's a Sunday so a little bit of sleep shouldn't be a crime.

*

I wake up around 12 noon and my stomach is going crazy. I stand up and head for the bathroom to clean myself up. I grab one of Lance's hoodies that he's left behind here and shrug it on, along with some shorts and head out for lunch.

And exactly just like last week, Carter emerges from the dim hallway which scares the devil out of me.

I don't know what is up with people and scaring me lately.

"Holy fucking shit Carter, I told you not to sneak up on me like that." I clutch my now thumping heart.

"You blocked my number, escape me at your workplace, you're really adamant on ignoring me."  He deadpans as he comes closer to me. My heart finally recovers from the jump-scare and my eyes finally adjust to Carter.

He's not looking good. He looks like he hasn't slept for days and he hasn't shaved and his hair is messy in un-attractive way, he looks like he's lost some weight too, and not in the healthy kind of way either.

"You don't look too good." I comment as he stops 2 feet away from me. He scoffs.

"See what you do to me?" He tells me with a sinister smile, a flash of hurt crosses his eyes before he blinks it away. My heart drops to my stomach and guilt washes over me.

"I don't mean for it to end like this." I tell him while staring straight into the black abyss which is his eyes.

"It doesn't have to end, baby. Give me time, I'll leave her for you." Carter pleads at me, his eyes welling up with tears. Never in my life did I ever think I'd be the one to make Carter cry, and it doesn't feel good. It feels awful. And my heart hurts because I'm hurting him. He takes my hands in his and looks at me, pleading. "Please, stay."

"Carter. I can't. I can't be stuck like this, I don't deserve this." I tell him confidently, my courage not faltering. "We have to tell her." At the mention of Julia, his expression changes into something dark and angry and next thing I know he pushes me up on the wall and his hands are around my neck in a choking manner.

"No! No one can know about us, no one is allowed to know about us, especially about me being gay! No!" He says with a growl and for the first time ever, I find myself terrified of Carter and his angry side.

Carter notices my fear and lets go of me. "I-I'm sorry." He stammers before running out of the building. I take a minute to calm down and then start to head out to buy lunch like I originally planned.

I gave myself time to accept this whole thing, I think it's only fair that Carter gets his time too.