Dirty Little Secret

eleven

"There was this one time when me, my mom and dad went out to the park together. One of those family bonding weekend things, you know? And there was this ice cream truck and I really wanted  strawberry ice cream with sprinkles on top not because I was gay, that's just plain stereotyping, but it's just that strawberry is really tasty and my mom was going to buy some for me but then dad said strawberries are for faggots. And yeah, he said the 'F' word. I was like seven then and I didn't want my dad to think of me like that so I just told my mom I wanted the rocky road one instead." By the end of my story, Lance laughs heartily and I join him.

"Your dad is such a homophobe and I'm sorry I just really find your story funny." He says between his fit of laughter.

We are now lying down in the sandy shores of the town beach, it's about 8:30 something in the evening and the moon and stars are looking great tonight. Me and Lance have been sharing random things about our lives for the past hour, just spewing random insignificant and significant memories with each other.

"My grandma died when I was fourteen, she had Parkinson's. It was terrible really. Or was it Alzheimer's? I'm not really sure, I think it was the latter, anyways, it made her horrible." I laughed at how he said it and he laughed with me.

"Sorry to hear about your grandma." I tell him while still chuckling.

"No biggie. She lived a good life before her brain got messed up. Honestly, she was a really great grandma but when she got sick, she forgot who we were and she'd throw her own waste at us and call us rapists or something. And murderers and she'd threaten to call the cops on us." He laughs as he recall the memory and I can't help but join in his amusement. "It was funny on some days but sometimes it was just plain horrible. She died in her sleep, and I'm sure she's in a better place now. Rest in peace, Nana." He says as he points out to the starry night sky.

"Rest in peace." I repeat after him. "My full name is actually Martin Ryan Thwaites." I tell him mindlessly, I see him glancing at me and I look at him too.

"Well, I'm just plain ol' Lance Cambridge. No middle name." He says with a chuckle, I smile at him and extend my hand.

"Nice to meet you Lance Cambridge." He takes my hand and shakes it.

"Pleasure's all mine Martin Ryan Thwaites." He says with a wink and we chuckle together.

We grow quiet for a while, just observing the beautiful night sky adorned with beautiful jewels.

"The first time I saw my dad cry was when the doctor's came out of that hospital room and he knew that mom was gone. It was one of the most heartbreaking moments in my life, knowing that my mother just died and seeing my father shatter in that very second. He just stood there. Staring in to the wall, letting his tears fall and hit the ground. I ran to him and hugged him and he didn't move. That was also the last time I saw him cry." I mindlessly say as I stare up in to the sky.

I've never shared that with anyone else, not even Carter but somehow I feel like I needed to tell that to Lance. That I needed to let those feelings out and not let them fester inside of me.

"I don't mean to judge you or intrude or anything, because I don't know anything at all, but I think you and your dad need each other more than ever. But you probably already know that."  He tells me softly. I smile at him sweetly.