If only he didn't.

CHAPTER 20, PERFECT GIRL (MARI POV)

9/8/199X
My name is MARI TAKAHASHI. I'm 15 years old currently. I'm still waiting to be 16, then 17, then 18 and so on to adult life. お父さん believes I am the perfect girl, I know that I am, I hope I am the perfect girl. I am to perform a recital soon with my younger brother, SUNNY. SUNNY is such a sweetheart! He is someone who would not talk a lot, and you wouldn't expect him to be able to play the violin so beautifully. That is correct, SUNNY and I are to perform a recital which includes my instrument of expertise, a piano and his instrument, the violin. I think that SUNNY doesn't want to perform the recital, unfortunately, it's too late for him to decide. We're only weeks away from the recital, and if it isn't perfect, I won't be perfect.

I think I'm pretty popular, actually! I have friends that aren't my brother, but SUNNY will be my best friend 24/7 no matter what. We have neighbors who live right next to us, right to our home. There's HERO, or HENRY, he's really handsome and charming (photogenic too), お父さん isn't fond of HERO, but I am, very much! HERO is also my age. I don't think he understands that perfect girls can grow up too, as long as they're still perfect. KEL is HERO's younger brother and the same age as SUNNY, he's much more energetic and childish than HERO and SUNNY, but I can't complain, it's adorable. Then there is BASIL. BASIL is SUNNY's best friend who isn't me and a photographer, personally, he should pursue his dreams of photography or caring, he fits very well with my brother. They have a perfect friendship. AUBREY is such a sweet girl, she's very passionate about bunnies, she treats everyone equally and kindly (though she occasionally fights with KEL) we have a very deep friendship and I sometimes see her as a little sister, poor girl doesn't get taken care of very well, but, future me, please don't tell anyone, I'd rather not hurt her innocent soul, I want to protect her secret until she feels safe to tell everyone else. Also, future me, I bet you know this already, but AUBREY has a BIG crush on SUNNY! Matchmake them already, future MARI!

I'm a teenager, so I've been acting like one. I believe I'm responsible enough for anything, I tell you! But, my parents, my father especially, still treat me like a child. Of course, I love my childhood memories. Either baking cookies with my grandmother, taking trips around America, I've always loved it. But I'm not immature. I want to be seen as a sisterly or motherly figure to someone, a figure who can comfort and help people in need of it. Especially AUBREY...That poor, poor girl...I want the best for her and I'll protect her no matter where I am. If she grows and become strong enough to be by herself, I hope she has the best of luck and independence to take care of herself responsibly. 

I know I'm rambling about other stuff, future me! I just wanna...Talk about my feelings. It feels nice. Sometimes I talk about them with HERO, it's even better to talk about it with him, because he's someone who's just my delight. I love him with the whole of my soul, and if I had the choice to run away with him, I would. He just makes me feel an emotion that otherwise would not occur. Euphoria? Most likely. I'm more into classical music, or original songs that can make you just start dancing. But what HERO brings...He brings a part of me that desires to listen to Pop or City-pop from the 80s and 90s! He would bring the part that would not care about the genre, the volume or anything, it would only care about how we both felt about it, and how it brought us together. My father was not fond of HERO's enthusiasm with music that only HERO (and secretly me) did. My father did not like Nirvana. My father did not like Olivia Newton. My father did not like City-pop at all. You would not see Miki Matsubara, Mariya Takeuchi, Taeko Ohnuki, Yasuha. You would not see anything in my house except classical and old...Old music. Future me, you must understand, even if what that was, was only about music, it brought you happiness even if you only spent seconds alone with him. I hope you remember to tell him about all of this before the recital, you need to prove your love to him by stating how you feel about him and how you feel with him and how much you just love him. Because he's the perfect man, for you, the perfect girl.

You have to understand how I change from saying "I", to "you," MARI. I'm talking to you, I'm talking to myself, MARI. I need to tell you this because I'm nervous about the recital. And I...We can't tell HERO about it yet. You might've already told him, and that's good, future me. But you had to tell him exactly a day before. I mean...Nothing's gonna happen if you don't. You just need to let it go before the big day, the recital! You might mess up if you don't let go, MARI. Please don't mess up. I, You, We need to be perfect in this recital, absolutely perfect. My hand hurts a lot writing this, haha. I don't mind, though. It'll all be fine once we do everything that we need to do. 

10/8/199X

Tomorrow is the big day. Please don't mess up. I know you already told him. We both know you did. I love you and I wish you the best. You must be the perfect girl. 

1/1/199X o r 1/1/200X. I d o n ' t k n o w . 

I a m M A R I  T A K A H A S H I . I a m d e a d . I b e l i e v e I a m 19 y e a r s o l d. H o w a m I w r i t i n g  d o y o u w o n d e r , M A R I ? I d o n ' t k n o w . I j u s t a m  . I ' m s o r r y . I ' m s o , s o , s o , s o , s o r r y . I  h a t e m y s e l f . W h y d i d I s h o u t a t m y o w n l i t t l e b r o t h e r ? I r u i n e d a l l my f r i e n d s ' l i v e s , b e c a u s e I d i e d . I t h i n k I w a s s t i l l a l i v e w h e n I f e l l . I t h i n k I f e l t i t a l l . I c o u l d n ' t s p e a k n o r m o v e . I b l a m e m y s e l f . H E R O  f e l l i n t o a d e p p r e s s i o n , K E L w a s l e f t a l o n e , B A S I L w a s l e f t t o h i d e h i s e m o t i o n s , A U B R E Y c o u l d n ' t h a n d l e a n y t h i n g a s s h e w a s a b a n d o n e d , S U N N Y l o c k e d h i m s e l f i n w h a t u s e d t o b e o u r h o u s e . I b l a m e m y s e l f s o m u c h . I ' M  S O R R Y . I    '    M      S         O          R            R        Y . I  a m s o  s o r r y f o r g i v i n g u p o n l i v i n g , l e t t i n g m y s o u l l e a v e  m y b o d y . I l o v e d y o u a l l , I w o u l d ' v e l o v e d t o p l a y w i t h S U N N Y , I s t i l l l o v e y o u a l l . I c a n ' t g r o w u p , I c a n ' t m o v e , I c o u l d n ' t a c h i e v e a n y t h i n g I w a n t e d t o . I c o u l d n o t e v e n l o o k H E R O i n t h e e y e s a n d t e l l h i m I l o v e d h i m . T o o n l y l o o k a t t h e m i n t h e m i r r o r a s t h e y s t a r e b a c k a t m e , i t p a i n s m e t o n o t s e e t h e m h a p p y w h i l e l  o o k i n g i n t h e m i r r o r.  I l o v e y o u a l l . I h a t e y o u , M A R I . Y o u w e r e t h e w o r s t g i r l e v e r , y o u s t i l l a r e . H a p p y b i r t h d a y , m y d e a r H E R O .






Hey everyone. Hope you liked this chapter. Unfortunately, this chapter switched from comfort to sad. I thought it would be cool if MARI was able to write. If you can't read the last thing, please tell me, because I would love to write it without the spaces, I just thought it would look cool. This chapter was kind of a present to the people who waited a month for 1 chapter to come out. Love you all, if you don't feel well mentally or have problems or think you're the worst, you can talk to me about it if you are comfortable enough. I'd love to help yall. Also, did you think of Perfect Girl by Mareux when you saw the chapter title?