A Step on Both Sides | A KNY Fanfic

BONUS CHAPTER (no 13 next will be 14 :P)

Note: In this chapter, Muzan and Fumiko just went to the bar. A human bar. I also don't have experience in drunken-ness so bear with me. Warning - weirdness. And long chapter- ness.
Muzan was passed out on the floor. He may or may not have had one to many whiskies. Fumiko was close by, but she too was a bit... light headed.
The humans completely ignored Fumiko, except for a few, ahem, 'ugly drunk males', who seemed to be watching her movements with intense levels of seduction. Fumiko paid no attention to the, quote on quote, ugly drunk males.
"Muzan, sweeeetieeee," she slurred. Muzan replied with a grunt. "Let's have some moreeeeee drinksssss and then killllll the whole barrrrrrrwr."
Muzan proceeded to make grunting noises.
"Yes it isssssss thennnnn," Fumiko said. She waddled up to the counter and said, "69420 drinks pleaseeeee."
The bartender asked, "What drinks, my dear lady?"
"BIIIIGGGG drinks! The BIGGESTTTT!" Fumiko answered with an askew grin. Muzan grunted approvingly.
The bartender handed over the 69420 HUGE drinks, while thinking I'm going to retire soon, I can't put up with this shitty nonsense for much longer.
Fumiko pried open Muzan's mouth, pouring more alcohol into it, while pouring some into her own mouth too. She looked around and yelled out to the whole bar, "WHO WANT SOME DRINKSSESSWSSWSSSS? DRINKS ARE ON MEEEEE!"
She laid out the remaining 69418 glasses on the tables, knocking over everyone else's. At this point Muzan is completely out, and his dreams were... questionable.
No matter, Fumiko continued to pour alcohol onto Muzan's blank face. Now she was wobbling, finding it hard to be still in any part of her body, including her head.
One of the ugly drunk men came over and lifted Fumiko up, saying, "M'ladyyyyy."
Muzan, the ultimate daddy, immediately woke up and shot the ugly drunk man with his arm- tentacle. Then he was out again, but not before opening his mouth to consume even more alcohol.
"Awwww, youuu didn't have toooowooo," Fumiko said, wobbling, almost falling over. "Weereee having funnn."
By now Nakime was getting tired of this act. She struck her biwa and Fumiko and Muzan got teleported into the infinity castle, including the 69410 drinks. (Yes I'm counting)
Nakime's one eye grew so wide it touched the sides of her head- and further. And where she teleported them just happened to be the place the Upper Moons were arguing about the rules of Monopoly.
Akaza, being the protective father he was, started yelling and punching Muzan for doing this to his beloved child. Luckily for him, Muzan was still unconscious (he was dreaming about chocolate fluffy lollipops, all the blue spider lilies turning red).
"Aww, take a look at this," Doma said, poking Muzan's cheek. "He looks so cute like this! I finally see what Fumiko sees in-OWWWW!" He turned around, and saw Fumiko biting his back. "You ruined my favourite shirt!" He complained. "Akaza-dono, your daughter KILLED MY BELOVED SHIRT!"
Akaza rolled his eyes and gave a thumbs up to the increasingly drunk Fumiko.
"Hey daaaaaaaad, want sommeewwweee dwrinkssss?" Fumiko asked, holding up a bottle.
Akaza was about to decline, but seeing Doma innthe corner of his eye, hesitatingly took one bottle. His eyes suddenly brightened, and he shook the bottles at hyper speeds, taking more and more, opening the lids of 100 bottles, and threw them all at Doma.
"Hey Akaza- donowowoooowooooo," Doma said, wobbling and giggling. He had just turned around at that exact moment, swallowing all the wine. And now there were 69310 bottles of alcohol left.
Muzan was now on his third dream about talking parakeets eating spikeless pineapples, gossiping about the latest news on the topic of weather in Ohio.
"I... do not... get what... is going... on," Kokushibo said.
Suddenly, Gyokko yelped as he toppled out of his pot- into a bottle of alcohol. (number of demons drunk: 4)
It was at this moment Hantengu was so shocked that he was even brave enough to try a bottle to see why they were acting this way, so he took a bottle and drank it all, deciding to drink 49 more. Bottles left: 69260. Demons drunk: 5.
It was at this moment Kokushibo started slowing backing away from these drunk demons- but they all teamed up, pried his mouth open, and poured in 60 bottles in his mouth, forcing him to swallow. Bottles left: 69200. Demons drunk: 6.
But Kokushibo was not a normal drunk demon. He was, in fact, Upper Moon 1! So, in this induced, drunken state, he decided to fight some demon slayers.
And while on his little walk, he encountered, ahem, Milksuri. Before fighting, however, he was offered a cup of her malk.
"Sureeeeeee... i guessssesss," slurred Kokushibo, taking it and slurping it all up. Milksuri blushed while watching Kokushibo consume her bodily fluids.
Little did they know, Obanai was watching them.
"AYO THATS MY MILKSURI BACK OFF!" Obanai screeched while lunging at Kokushibo.
Meanwhile...at the infinity castle...
The rest of the upper moons were closing in on Akaza. Fumiko was still with Muzan, pouring more alcohol into both of them. Muzan was about to die of not having any fluids but alcohol. Bottles left: 6900.
Akaza was refusing, claiming that he needed to say sane for Fumiko's sake. However, the Upper Moons didn't care, and grabbed hold of him, leading him away, throwing him into a large pool of wine within the boundaries of the infinity castle.
Akaza was left to swim in the alcohol, trying not to swallow anything.
Then Muzan woke up. His mouth snapped shut. He glanced at Fumiko. And the Upper Moons. And Akaza, who was steadily drowning in a pool of alcohol.
"What. Is going on."
Akaza tried to explain, and said that Muzan was drunk, as with everyone else, but while drowning, he swallowed some alcohol.
"Oh no," Muzan said as Akaza started climbing out of the pit with magic drunk powers, and the Upper Moons and Fumiko crowded around Muzan...
And Kokushibo was still flirting with Milksuri.
P.S. Let's forget this ever happened and continue with... CHAPTER 14!