The Arcana | Oneshots / Preferences ✔️

☆ Tolerable

Song to listen to while reading: Tolerate It by Taylor Swift

I had been working as an apprentice for Julian Devorak helping him find a cure for the Red Plague. I had been working with him for about three months now, and everyday I see a change in him.

I bring him coffee every morning because he hardly sleeps at night and he's going to need something to keep him doing his best. At first he was grateful, always smiling when I handed him a cup. Now he just waved me off with his hand.

I make us dinner every night because we work so late stressing over this cure. He used to be happy eating what I made, but now I watch him not take a bite and throw it all away in front of me.

I just brushed it off saying he was just stressed. We both were. I didn't push him away anytime he tried to do something generous for me, then again he never did anything for me.

The more I look back on our time together the more I realize everything was one sided. It was always me giving him coffee, making dinner, cleaning up after him, making sure he rests, giving him reassuring hugs.

It was only me putting effort to make sure he was doing alright and in the process I lost myself. I forgot to make sure I was doing alright. I wasn't.

I slowly began to stop doing everything that had become a regular routine for me, and started to focus on myself. One thing that made me decide to stop trying to please Julian was that I had contracted the Plague.

I tried to tell him, "J-Julian," I tried to say, holding back a cough. My vision was blurry, tears brimming at the edge of my eyes.

"God Y/n do you ever just leave me alone?" He shouted not looking up from his book.

I was taken aback by his actions, he never yelled at me before. Sure tolerating my acts of kindness is one thing but yelling at me was something else.

"Fine." I managed to say with all the strength I could muster.

I went to my office and locked the door. I was sick, better to die alone than get everyone else sick.

I get to die not knowing the cure, all my efforts in vain.

I get to die knowing that I wasn't important to anyone and no one thought to take care of me, it was always me taking care of them.

I grab paper and a pen and begin to write a letter for Asra, my best friend. Suddenly I'm hit with a sense of sadness knowing Ill never be able to see him again.

Dear Asra,

By the time you read this letter, I will already be dead. Thank you for always being my best friend. We've known each other for what, 8 years? 9? Seems like just yesterday we met.

You have given me the best life experiences, thank you for that. I'll gladly bring those memories with me to the other side.

I'll miss riding the jelly fish and traveling to the other realms. I'll miss the beautiful view from the castle's library, much better than the dungeon where they hid us.

I wish I could have the pumpkin bread one last time. I wish I could see the shop and see how far you've come with it.

I won't miss the smell of this place or the restless nights wondering that if you sleep you'll miss the key to the cure.

Tell Faust that I love her and that I'll miss her. Same for you, my happiest memories were with you. If only we had more time together.

One thing I will regret most is spending most of my life trying to catch the attention of someone who never wanted it. I thought that maybe if I tried hard enough then maybe, just maybe, he would see me the same way I see him. But to him I will always be his apprentice that he can only tolerate.

My time with Julian wasn't all in vain however, I will miss the nights where we were both stressed but we calmed each other down by starting conversation. I will miss those nights, the only time I didn't feel like I took up too much space or time.

Thank you Asra, for everything.

Don't miss me too much, Y/n.

I fold the paper, tears threatening to fall and ruin it. I focus my magic on the letter and try to find Asra's aura. With a swift snap my letter disappears off to find Asra wherever they may be.

I cough violently into my hand, only to find a trail of blood after I pull back my hand. I know I don't have much time.

I sit at my office desk thinking of everything I'm going to miss out on now that I'm dying. I let out a sob as I curly myself up into a ball. The pain is unbearable.

After a half hour, I stood up, almost falling over from how dizzy I was. I opened my door to find a bed to die in.

I opened it to find Julian about to knock on my door with a concerned look on his face, which quickly changed to worry once he saw my state.

"Y-y/n you're sick, but you didn't- when did this- I could have-" He started to panic, wide eyed. It would have been nice to see him care for me like this without me on the verge of death. I guess it's true that people only care once you're dead; or in my case about to die.

"I did. I meant I tried but you got angry and yelled at me to leave, so I did." I say softly, not having enough energy to be angry.

His face flashed with guilt as he began to frantically speak, "Y/n I never meant to yell, I was just-"

"Stressed. I know. We both are, but I never yelled at you." I cut him off, I'd be damned if I'm going to spend my last moments arguing with the man I love. Loved.

Heartbroken over a love that never even existed.

He looks hurt by what I said but doesn't push it. "I'm sorry."

"I am too." I whisper, starting to feel the world fade away.

I smile slightly at Julian before whispering my last words, "Thank you for tolerating me."

-Time Skip-

"I'm sorry, Y/n, if only I was there for you like you were for me." Julian said sadly as he watched my body get dragged into a boat to go to the Lazaret.

Words, how little they mean, when you're a little too late.