Scene opens on a lush valley filled with some kind of crops, crossed by stone aqueducts.
GRIF: Suck. My. Balls.
DOC: No, thank you.
GRIF: I refuse to let anyone else invent pizza but the ancient Italians, Doc. These assholes may be dumb as dirt, but their blood is rich in tomato sauce.
DOC: I actually think tomatoes are native to the Americas... which haven't been discovered yet. Which could explain, you know. Us sucking at this?
GRIF: Bullshit. [To Roman peasants, who appear at the periphery of the frame.] You understand, right? Dough on the bottom, then the to-ma-to. Then the mozzarella. Then you bake it. But just the right amount! Too much and you get a cracker crust, which is a mortal fucking sin, you neanderthal! Got it?
The peasants stare for a moment, then turn and walk away.
GRIF: Hey! Get back here!
DOC: [Sighs.] I still don't get why you don't just invent pizza yourself. You'd make billions!
GRIF: Uh, the whole point of pizza is that someone else makes it?
DOC: I've made pizza.
GRIF: Of course you have. Vegan. And by the way, being vegan while being made entirely of meat? Kind of hypocritical.
DOC: Grif, I know this was technically my idea, but I'm starting to question if this is really the best use of a time machine!
GRIF: Doc, pizza is the food. It's like, perfect in its simplicity. Three ingredients! A holy trinity that come together to form a greasy triangle of perfection. And from this thin slice of heaven, man has created an edible plate that anything can go on. A new testament. Infinite possibility!
DOC: Uh huh.
GRIF: A dessert pizza with a gingerbread base. A Russian nesting pie! Or pizza bites inside of a pizza pocket inside of a calzone on top of a pizza!
DOC: Grif.
GRIF: A pizza with the topping underneath! I'm just spitballing!
DOC: You want to talk about infinite possibilities? Grif, a time machine can save lives. We could cure the plague. Stop the great alien war from ever happening?
GRIF: You help yourself to all these fucks I give, Doc, because I'm delivering history a pizza.
DOC: Ahhhhhh, fine. But if we're gonna teach these people a new dish, we need to cook it for them.
Camera pans to the sky, then descends on a grassy field as Sister Alex and Tucker emerge from a Donut Hole.
SISTER: Fucking endless dickshell!
TUCKER: Oh, come on! It was bound to happen!
ALEX: I can't unsee what you two did.
SISTER: You crushed Catherine the Great with a horse.
TUCKER: How am I supposed to know that sex robe was lode-bearing?
SISTER: You crushed Christopher Reeve with a horse.
ALEX: You some how got Abraham Lincoln killed
SISTER: I didn't know he would use the gun to kill the president!
TUCKER: I learned a valuable lesson. Time travel spooks horses. And that dude's not really Superman. Life's an education, babe.
SISTER: I'm a simple girl with a simple itch. Time travel sex tour. And you're screwing it up!
YOU ARE READING
Red Vs Blue Shisno Paradox male oc
FanfictionAnd we're back as your favorite group of assholes and idiots now have a new journey through time that will change the world as it is known.
