Judges

Chapter Twelve

1908

"Augusta! Augusta, where are you? I have to go!"

I slide down the banister of our large house, and father sighs in exasperation.

"Augusta-"

"Father, I have to go too. I'm going into town, to see Edward. He said he'd get me a treat at the shop. Maybe a bit of chocolate or ice cream, do you think? We might even go to the cinema, or have a picnic, or who knows? The day is ours!"

"Not so fast." My father straightened his tie and put on his hat. "I have to go in to work today. You promise you will be back by three? Your Aunt Hilde is coming over again, for one of her regular visits, you have to be presentable and in the parlor by then. I expect you'll be ready?"

"Of course, Father. Don't you worry. Maybe Hilde can meet Edward too?"

"I'm sure she would hate that." He chuckles. "Maybe we should introduce them."

I open the heavy door and let myself out, then as soon as it is shut all the way and Father can't see, I run down the drive, without caring if it is muddy or not, from the recent rain. My stockings get muddy, but I don't care, and Edward never notices. Father always understands. He allows me to do as I please as long as I show up to be in the parlor when he says, and to be present for meals.

I run into town, stopping at intervals to make sure I am not red in the face when I show up. As the buildings get larger and newer and the streets get busier, and the people are hurrying through the streets, I know I am close. I look for the ice cream shop, at the corner of West and Market, and I see the painted window out of the corner of my eye.

I walk down the sidewalk, glancing in windows to check my appearance, and straighten my hat, and pull on a single curl of hair hanging down by my chin.

And then I see her.

In the window of the store sits Edward, with another girl who goes to school with me

Elizabeth Thatcher. Her platinum blonde hair and her small stature and her green eyes, and she stares across the table into his blue ones. I wish she was dead.

Then, out of nowhere, she leans over the table and kisses his cheek. He takes her hand and looks into her eyes, and I find tears welling up in my eyes. I slam my fist on the window in anger, and they hear it. They both look over from their quiet conversation and lock eyes with me, and I storm away from the shop.

"Augusta! Augusta, wait, please. I'm sorry, that was nothing, what are you doing! Please come back!"

I turn around and glare into Edward's blue eyes, at the same level as my own.

"I don't need to hear any more. I already know. You are done. I'm sorry, whatever I did, but I don't want to talk anymore."

Tears stream down my face as I keep walking. My hat flops in the wind, and I can hear that he is still walking behind me. The wind wreaks havoc on my hair, and it blows behind me. I think about the note I would write, and then tear up:

 

Edward,

I loved you. I cared about you. And you took advantage of that. I wanted to be with you, and you want to be with her Am I not worth it? Why? Because I saw you, even after all we've been through, and me convincing my father you weren't a scoundrel, but you are one. I know that now. I can't even explain how angry I am right now, how ashamed you should be. Courting someone and then leaving. I hope you know that I no longer give a damn about you.

That's right! I said it! I don't give a damn! There are so many other people out there for me, and whether you decide to come crawling back or leave forever, I think I shall be fine. So run now, while you can. Get away, because you have betrayed me. My heart is not broken, though I expect it should be. So leave, or the only heart that gets broken will be yours.

 

"Augusta, you know I only care about you. Please come back, we can talk about this over ice cream."

"Yes, I know you care about me." He sighs. "But you only care a bit. You use the rest of the room to care about her. I'm not coming back with you."

I cry and run out into the street. I don't look for cars, I could care less. I only see Elizabeth and Edward together, stuck in my mind. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I ignore Edward's screams and cries, and the shouting Elizabeth. I don't even notice the car until it hits me.

I fall to the ground, and mud soaks my yellow dress. I hear the car stop, and Elizabeth and Edward run to me. Blood runs down my neck, and it mixes with the mud as I try to roll onto my side. I can't, I'm too weak.

"Augusta... Augusta, I love you. Please stay." He takes my hand, but I don't hold his back. It stays limp in his hand. I have enough energy to say one more thing.

"Et tu, Brute?"

I try to hold my head up, but my muscles are weak, and my head smacks to the ground, and I feel like I'm floating rather than being dragged out of the road as someone cries. I see myself, in my beautiful yellow dress, lying next to the store with a crowd around me, glass piercing my skin, as Elizabeth Thatcher runs home in tears and Edward kneels by my side. Oh no, I never knew real love. Not his.