Judges

Chapter Twenty Six

Infinity

I sit alone in the hall outside Alastair's office, where inside he works without knowing I'm here. He would probably try to speak to me if he knew I was here. I don't really want to speak to him right now, I just want to think. Someone sits down beside me, and I look to see a face I recognize.

"Augusta, right? I'm Brad, relatively new judge. Died, age seventeen, 1984." He smiles, as he gives the standard greeting. "You?"

"Augusta, right. Augusta Moore, died age fifteen, 1908."

"Wow, you've been here longer than I'd thought. You might be the oldest one here, right?"

"Second oldest, Frances Warren died in 1880 at age sixteen. Everyone before her has retired, but she isn't that active anymore."

"Last I'd heard, she's retired. Gone off."

Of course. Frances was the last reminder, besides Alastair, of the world I'd lived in.

"I expected her to. Not many people last as long as we have. I've been working seventy-five years, I awoke in 1919. Many people leave after ten or so, they get bored, but there was no point for me. I never found any of my family in death. I might as well stay, see the world. But just before they called me back, I glimpsed my sister."

"You found her?"

"No, I saw her, I saw the outline of her face, I recognized her, and suddenly I was back here again. I lost her, I need to find her." I slump my head in my hands, I shouldn't have told anyone. But it is a general policy here that we tell what is on our minds, in death we are very open.

"Well, that sucks. But I'm sure you'll find her again, Augusta." I look at him and I notice his eyes are green. "I have a feeling that you'll see your family soon."

"I hope so."

"Are you holding any grudges? Any mistakes?"

"What? That's quite a question."

"No, I said that to help. Holding a grudge can affect your ability to see your friends in the afterlife. You can't see what you hold on to so tightly, man. If you've done something to someone, you have to forgive yourself before you can find them."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, like I said, I died in 1984. Some friends of mine wanted to go night surfing since we lived on the coast, just a few friends. It was really dark that night, and I went in first since my friends thought I was the best surfer. But I got pulled under by a riptide, and I drowned." He sighs. "Turns out knowing how to swim doesn't help a lot when the tide's got you."

"I'm sorry."

"Doesn't matter now anyways. My friend, Robin, who was there that night, didn't forgive himself for what happened for seven years. He blamed himself for coming up with the idea to go surfing. I didn't blame him though, and when he finally realized there was nothing he could have done, I found him. It was great, but I wanted to work for a bit because I want to see the world."

"Brad-"

"No, man, I'm happy. But if you're holding on to something, you need to let go."

"I can't let go, Brad. I am busy, caught up. I'm judging this boy, and I don't understand. This might be the first time I didn't. And I have to place him, he either goes up or down, so they say, and I don't know what to do. Where does he go?"

"You don't have to decide now, he can become a Presence-"

"No, but everyone is either good or bad. You just have to know which. I'm not going to just make him some kind of ghost when he dies, that is against everything that I believe in. No, I just have to-"

"Not everything is black and white, Augusta. Some things are red, or green, or blue."

"But everyone is either good or bad. That's how things work. I know that, now. I won't be tricked again." I try to walk away, but he grabs my arm.

"See, Augusta, you're smart, I know you understand. Forgive yourself, see the color in the world. You're a fair judge, I know, but it's okay to not know the answer."

I disappear, and I know that Brad sits down quietly and mutters. "Old-fashioned."