Judges

Chapter Thirteen

1994

"So, he killed you."

"No, he didn't kill me. Trust killed me, I killed me."

"What do you mean, trust killed you?"

"I trusted Edward, with all my heart. Because I thought I loved him. But love is garbage, that's what I learned from that, and I don't give any credit to love. Time takes that away." I look away. "I'm not angry anymore, I stopped being angry about it in 1954. But I learned from my mistakes and I won't ever make them again."

"So, I wouldn't blame you if you had some major trust issues."

"I do, and I undeniably have questionable mental stability in my opinion, but they still make me come down here and pass judgment on poor, unsuspecting humans. I wanted to quit in 1988, and I tried, and I was out until now."

"So tell me! What happened in 1988?"

"I really don't like to think about it. I don't want to tell you."

"Fine. But you can't be the only one who gets to complain about their crappy life. I had a mom who died in 1987, and left me with my dad, who totally shut me out after she was gone. I'm dead to him, not that it was even remotely my fault, or anyone's fault. She died of cancer. I just want to get away and focus on books, because there my problems don't exist.

"If you still don't believe my dad doesn't care, he doesn't even talk to me."

"I'm sorry, Jared." I get up and sit next to him, under the tree.

"No, it's fine." The silence seems to swallow both of us.

He nudges me. "I have an idea. I want to do something."

No, I don't want to do anything other than figure out who you are, and get out of here!

"What?"

"I want to go to the amusement park, tomorrow."

"Why would you even want to spend more time with me?"

"You are the most interesting, honest, and exciting person I have ever met and I want to get to know you better."

"Fine." Is he asking me out? No, he probably has a girlfriend somewhere, being the athletic, smart, interesting and debatably rugged boy that he is...

"Since it's Saturday tomorrow I can meet you at Rapids at around 8 a.m. Is that good?"

"Sure, I'm confident it will be fun." I try to smile to conceal the fact that I am insanely nervous about going to the park with this boy. Is he another version of Edward?

I hope not.

I make an excuse to leave, after promising to meet Jared at the park. I say something about meeting my mother at home to go biking or something, and get home fast. I walk up to my room, and I realize my heart is still racing. Why am I freaking out?

I realize it's because after 75 years of trying not to, I am finally falling in love again.

I need to stop, because no matter what happens, I will finish and be asked to leave. I will finish judging him, and I will leave his life forever. And this is against my own rules, I think, because this is biased. I won't be able to pass a fair judgment. And not to mention, he might not even like me.

I have to get out, and think.

I run downstairs again and get on my bike. Where can I go? Obviously not back to the park, I have to go somewhere else, somewhere with people. I have to go somewhere busy, for some reason the thought of people calms me. The mall, I have to go.