Learn to Love Again

Awkward

"Miss Grey! Miss Grey! Look! I did it !"  Jamie ran into the classroom and straight up to her, the following Monday, waving his masterpiece.

"Good morning to you too JJ" She laughed, looking at her watch "you do realise you're a whole hour early for school don't you?"

"And he's been up for over an hour getting ready too! I'm not altogether sure why he bothered going to bed. Couldn't wait to see you I think!"  Tom's voice floated in from the corridor then his face appeared at the door with a wink and a smirk. 

"Daaaaad!" Jamie covered his hands with his face, turning crimson and Jenny laughed kindly.

"Oh Tom, I hardly think so, I think it's more likely a wish to show off his work of art. So? Did you get it signed then JJ?" She attempted to deflect the conversation away from the embarrassed little boy. And truthfully, the fact she was inappropriately pleased to see Tom too.

"Yes Miss, look!" Jamie proudly handed over the piece of paper.

It was very good, far beyond what you would expect of a seven-year-old. It made her wonder if Jamie was heading in the same direction as his father - good at pretty much anything. And there, below the colourful artwork to two precious signatures. Jenny smiled and looked at the two of them.

"This is excellent JJ, we can auction this off and raise lots of money. Thank you - and thank you, Tom, for helping out " she reached out and laid a hand on his arm.

He looked at her and smiled gently, "it's truly my pleasure. I have another suggestion if I may?"

"Of course! Please..."

"Well, why don't I conduct the auction and the winning bidder gets me delivering it personally? Perhaps over lunch? We could take photos and I'm sure my charity would love to publicise the event. Raise the profile of the school too." He looked quite apologetic at this self-publicity. 

"Oh Tom, that's a wonderful idea! Thank you so so much!" This time she threw caution to the wind and hugged him.  Taken aback for a second he stood, immobile, slightly shocked.  He'd not felt a hug with that much emotion behind it for a long time. A very long time.  By the time all this had registered and he'd realised that he would quite like her to hug him more often, she'd stopped.

When Tom didn't hug her back, Jenny let him go with an apology. To say she felt awkward was an understatement.

"Sorry."

She turned to Jamie, covering her embarrassed disappointment with a slightly over-excited. "Come on young man, let's take this along to the headmistress and you can tell her the good news." She held out her hand and Jamie skipped to the front of the class.

They went out together, Tom following on, feeling he'd somehow messed up.  Before he had a chance to say anything more to try and repair the atmosphere, Jenny turned and said "thank you again Tom. It was very kind and generous of you. Mrs Bennett will be in touch with the arrangements in due course. See you at home time."

As he walked out behind them, Jamie looked back and shook his head sadly. 

"Oh Dad!" Was all he said in a whisper, and Tom got the distinct feeling he was being told off.  He would ask him later.  He had to get to work, there was a voiceover to record today.

Getting into his car, he drove away, a niggling feeling in his head that he'd somehow affected his friendship with Jenny.  Made himself out to be a bit of a muppet with JJ.  Jenny would be a difficult one to find out, but he was in no doubt he would find out about the latter, soon enough.

Jenny sat in the staffroom at lunchtime and tried to read.  The words swam in front of her eyes but made no sense at all.  Giving up, she shut the book with a sigh and stood up. There was a pile of marking with her name on it back in her classroom.  Maybe that would distract her from feeling like the entire world was about to fall in on her.

Hugging Tom had genuinely been a spur-of-the-moment thing. It seemed like the right thing to do, it seemed for lack of a better way to put it, appropriate. They'd been friends for almost two years now, ever since Jamie had started school. They'd struck up an instant rapport, shared cups of tea, talked of good times and bad. She'd helped the little boy and the bigger boy navigate their grief and family life.  No matter who you were, being a single parent was never easy and when you had a whole other world tugging at you, she was sure it was even worse.

Now she felt in one rash move, she'd overstepped their boundaries. The fact Tom had stood stiffly, unmoving, spoke volumes to her. She would have to tread carefully. See how he reacted later, see if anything could be salvaged.

She walked in and sat at her desk. With a sigh, she pulled the pile of notebooks to her and opened one up. Just as she was about to start, a small noise made her look up. Jamie was sitting at his desk. The noise was him standing up. 

"JJ? What are you doing here? You should be outside playing. You still have half an hour?" She was concerned he wasn't feeling well.  "Are you ok?"

"Yes miss," he approached her desk and stood in front of her, fiddling with the hem of his school jumper.  "I'm just going, but I wanted to say something to you if that's ok?" He looked a little afraid so she stood and walked round, to sit on the front of the desk so there was no barrier between them.

"Of course it is. We have no secrets you and I, that was the deal, wasn't it?  No matter the problem, we're honest with each other. This classroom is your - my - safe space." She smiled at him and he returned it, hesitantly.

"You know how Dad is a Superhero like Uncle Chris?" He looked at her solemnly, head to one side.

"Yes, yes I do." She nodded, equally solemn, not entirely sure where this was going.

"Well, he's not really you know. He's just my Dad. He makes the tea, he brings me to school, we play football and xbox and he even gets angry at me sometimes when I'm naughty." He seemed to have rehearsed this so she didn't interrupt. " but he cries too. When he thinks I'm asleep at night I can hear him. Nothing I can think of to say, no matter how much hugs I give, makes him less sad.  I think he misses mum hugs too." He shrugged. "I think he needs mum type hugs.  He just doesn't know it."

"Oh JJ" her heart, and her eyes, brimmed with emotion for this sweet, caring and very astute little boy. "Dad will get sad and he will miss Mum, they loved each other very much.  That's why he had you. The last thing he would want is for you to be worried or upset. Dad loves you very much and he loves your hugs I know. He's so proud of you - even when he's telling you for the thousandth time to pick up your lego!" She winked at him, hoping to reassure him. Jamie looked at her with eyes way beyond his years.

"Well that's probably true," he said giving it serious thought "but I think he needs special hugs. The kind that came from mum. You're a bit like my mum I think, and Dad likes you. He thinks you're pretty" this time Jamie did the winking with a cheeky smile. "So I think you need to hug him more. That's all I wanted to say. " with that, he walked straight up to her and wrapped his little arms around her.

"I - I love you miss, you're my second best grown-up, after Dad of course, just don't tell Granny ok?" He smiled and without any further comment, ran outside to play.

Jenny just stood staring after him. In a split second her world had turned on its head. This little boy, this sweet little boy was wise beyond his years. Wherever Claire was watching from, she would be so proud.  Jenny put a hand over her mouth and burst into tears.

Just one question remained. How the hell would she ever face Tom now?