Learn to Love Again

Silence

"He's not said a word to me about it Diana, not a single thing. I'm worried. It can't be good for him to bottle it up?"

Jenny sat in Diana's kitchen, mug of coffee in her hand, JJ in her head, as he had been constantly for the last month. She'd almost got through to the end of term somehow, and now, in the weeks approaching the summer holidays, she was taking a couple of hours out with Diana while Tom took Jamie to the swimming pool.

"I'm sure he'll speak about it when he's ready. These things can take time. He seems ok?" She came and sat at the table. "Has he spoken to Tom about it?"

"No, that's the worrying bit. Not me, not you and not his Dad. We even thought about taking him to a child psychologist, seeing if they can unlock his mind." She sighed deeply "I've failed him, haven't I? I've failed them both." She rested her head in her hands and started to cry. She'd cried a great deal lately. Mostly alone, mostly in silence.

"Whatever makes you think a silly thing like that pet?" Diana asked gently.

"Tom" was all she said.

"What? No, surely not?" She was shocked. Not that she disbelieved Jenny but she was horrified their relationship was as strained as this to be a possibility.

"He hasn't said as much, but he was away. He entrusted JJ to me. It's my fault. And now I can't make it right. If he hadn't met me, if I hadn't been the reason he dumped Tina, none of this would have happened." She laid her head on her arms and broke her heart.

"You need to talk to Tom love, he needs to know how you're feeling." She rubbed her back.

When Jenny had calmed a little, she sat up and shook her head. "He has enough to worry about. He doesn't need to be worrying about me too. We'll be ok. I'll sort it, somehow. I have to."

Before Diana could reply, the door opened and a couple of smiling curly haired wet dogs appeared. The little pup sat at the table and grinned with an air of conspiracy, while the big dog put the wet swimming stuff in the washing machine.

"Guess what?" The pup said, his hair all curly and damp like his father's. His eyes shone in a way Jenny hadn't seen for too long. It made her heart glad.

"What?" She said, affecting mock horror "You're off to fight the zombie hoard?"

"No silly! Dad's taking me to London for the holidays!"

Jenny looked at him and smiled. "You mean A holiday, not THE holidays don't you?"

"No mum! THE holidays. All the weeks. He said we can stay at the flat and do boy stuff and see Uncle Chris and Uncle Ben and everything. Weeks and weeks. And we're leaving tomorrow! I have to pack. C'mon, mum!" JJ jumped up and dashed to the door. "It's going to be brilliant!"

Jenny smiled, her chest constricting. This was about as bad as she could have imagined. She couldn't let JJ see it though. "I'll be up in a minute sweetheart, just need to ask Dad something first."

He nodded and dashed off. "Why don't I go and help?" Diana suggested, "I think you two need a minute." She patted her shoulder and left the room.

Tom came through from the utility room and sat at the table with her. He took her hand and kissed the palm, his eyes closed. He placed it against his cheek, and just held it there, waiting. He didn't have to wait long.

"Tomorrow eh?" She said softly. "You know I can't go tomorrow, or for at least a month don't you?" There was no bitterness, just sadness.

"I'm sorry love," he said quietly, "I just think he needs to be away from this place as soon as possible. Somewhere I can watch him 24/7. Try and get him to open up about things. He's still scared you know."

"Yes, he's not the only one." She took her hand away and he opened his eyes .

"I know darling, I know. You're a tough cookie. You'll manage. You always do." He stood and kissed her head before heading to the door. "Come as soon as you can ok?"

Without another word, Tom left and went upstairs. Jenny just looked at the closed door. That was it. The sum total of their discussion. No mention he needed her these days, no reassurance it would be ok. She was a tough cookie? That was it? He'd decided to take his son and run. She couldn't be trusted alone to take care of him. That was what he was really saying.

Truthfully, she knew he was right. This time, she wouldn't cry.

Presently Diana came down and appeared at the kitchen door and smiled. "He's so excited. Be a job getting him to sleep I suspect! So, what you going to do first on your trip then? " she sat down and smiled "you could all do to get away from here."

"I'm not going." Jenny said quietly.

"Not right away, no."

"Not at all."

"Pardon?" Diana swung round and stared.

"I'm not going." Jenny stood and put her mug in the sink. "I can't leave until the end of term. Tom knows that. JJ can go now, I'll make sure Mrs Bennett gives permission. Under the circumstances...." she turned and looked Diana in the eyes. "Tom made it perfectly clear JJ needs his Dad to look after him. His Dad. And he's right. I'm useless. I proved that in spades." there was a finality to her voice that made Diana shiver.

She walked away and opened the kitchen door. "Bye Diana. Tell Tom I'll pop round tomorrow, see him and Jamie off ok? I owe them that much. There's something I need to do now though. See you tomorrow."

With that, Jenny closed the door and walked out. Diana watched her as she paused in the garden, seemingly gathering her thoughts. What thoughts though, and why did she get the feeling things were about to take a very dark turn?

As Jenny walked home, she pulled out her phone. She sent a text, quick but decisive.

'HI. JUST ME. NEED TO SPEAK TO YOU. CAN I COME OVER AND STAY FOR A BIT? PHONE ME. JXX'

Germany was easy to get to.