Learn to Love Again

Tea and lack of sympathy

It was almost two weeks after the auction before Jenny ran into Tom again - quite literally.  She as out shopping in town on a Saturday morning when she turned a corner in the supermarket and bumped straight into him.  

"Oh goodness I'm so... Jenny?" Tom looked up from his phone and into her face as she looked up from her crumpled shopping list.

"TOM YOURE BACK!" she almost shouted, then bushing and lowering her voice considerably said "sorry! I mean you're back!" they smiled at each other for a second then she peered round him "No JJ?" this was a surprise.  Usually the Hiddleston boys were joined at the hip when school and work didn't get in the way.

Tom smiled and shrugged "I am, just for a few days.  Back to it on Wednesday.  No, no JJ today - apparently he had a  more important date with some paint and a large sheet of card" he sounded relaxed and happy and Jenny was glad to see the old sparkle in his eyes.  Almost as if their little "incident" had never happened, well, almost. For a second she got the impression he'd looked at her as if she should have someone with her too.  Before she got a chance to even half think about it, Tom continued "I think" he said, tapping the side of his nose "it's either a Father's Day project or...." he looked from side to side like some melodramatic spy "An end of term project for his teacher.  Apparently he says she's amazing!"

Jenny blushed a little and laughed. "Well whoever she is she's a lucky woman.  He's going to be a heartbreaker that one!" she didn't add her afterthought - just like his Dad.  "So, " she decided to see just how far the olive branch would go. "So, if you have no JJ, perhaps I could treat you to an Earl Grey and you can tell me all the stuff you're not supposed to about the filming?" her heart raced.  In days gone by, this would have been accepted without thinking, but now?  Who knew?

Tom stopped and looked at her, for a moment he stopped smiling and she expected the worst.  Fortunately for her, she was a poorer judge of facial expressions than she was at offering olive branches.  He put his basket down in the aisle - to the side of course, Tom Hiddleston was nothing if not safety conscious - and stuck out his arm for her to take. "No time like the present. Come on." he smiled like it was the most natural thing in the world to be doing and she was so taken aback she couldn't speak.  Mutely, she took his arm and they walked out the shop to the nearest coffee shop, grabbing a table by the window.

Tea and cake ordered, he sat back and looked at her intently.  His mind was in turmoil.  She seemed like the old Jenny, she looked like the old Jenny and she sounded like the old Jenny but was she?  Had she forgiven him?  And had she decided now was the time to tell him about the man who kissed her at the auction?  He hadn't spoken to JJ again about that night, it wasn't fair on the lad he thought.  He had to sort out his own mess. In truth,  he had actually been too scared to.  He'd had the distraction of filming for the last couple of weeks to keep him occupied and now, now he was back, he decided to take the chance to clear the air.  Once and for all. 

As she sat, she looked at him staring at her and smiled.  What was going through that head she wondered?  Was he thinking about the hug?  Was he thinking something else entirely.  Sadly, she felt she hardly knew him these days.  All the previous camaraderie gone in one simple gesture.  He was looking well, she thought.  Whatever the shoots entailed, it seemed to be doing him some good.  He had a flush about him, a slight tan and a small amount of stubble.  Not that she noticed these things of course.  One thing was for sure, Tom was nothing if not unfailingly gentlemanly.  He would try his best to paper over the cracks for JJ's sake, even if not his own. Keep an even keel and hope all the unpleasantness went away. She couldn't have been wider of the mark if she'd tried.

"So" he said, grasping the nettle with both hands "tell me about him? How long have you been seeing him? Is he local and I certainly hope he's treating you well. If he's not then he's a bloody fool."  It spilled out before he had a chance to stop it and think about how it sounded.  He winced, he'd intended being subtle.  He'd intended being polite.  He had been neither of those things.  Her expression changed in an instant.

"What?" her mouth hung open in a most unladylike fashion "Who do you think... I mean what the hell Tom?" her eyes echoed the sense of shock.  Who exactly did he think he was grilling her like that?  No preamble, no polite chit chat.  Just interrogation.  He'd made it quite clear he was off limits to her for anything more intimate than a cup of tea and a chat about the weather so where did he get off spearing into HER private life like that?  The fact she didn't HAVE a private life made no odds, it was the principle.  Something, it appeared, he was sadly lacking.

Tom realised what he'd said and done in an instant. He clamped a hand over his mouth and took a sharp breath in.  "I'm so sorry Jenny, I didn't mean..." he broke off as she stood up. He rose with her, trying to grab her arm.  She pulled back, her face twisted by rising emotion.

"Tom, this was obviously a mistake.  I thought... oh never mind what I thought.  Not that it's ANY of your business, but "he" is someone I have known for years and years and yes, he treats me very kindly.  Moreover, he treats me with respect. And courtesy and he doesn't say one thing and do another.  Which is more than can be said for some other people round here.  Now, if you'll excuse me, I have food to buy.  I'm cooking for HIM tonight and I don't want to be late home." she could hardly see for the tears now threatening.  She grabbed her coat and headed out the door, closing it behind her just as the tea and cake arrived.

Tom stood for a moment stunned and ashamed, then he thrust a hugely over inflated amount of money into the astonished waitress's hand and dashed out the door after her.

Jenny knew, as soon as she left she'd overreacted. Despite the tone, he'd only been curious; concerned for her welfare even, but she'd seen it, through guilty eyes, as a cross examination.  Guilty because she realised she felt she was betraying him.  Luke was her brother, and it would have been a matter of a couple of words to set things straight, but there was something in the possibility that Tom actually cared made her feel special.  Made her feel he was bothered if she was around or not. Made her feel... just made her feel.  She realised she wanted him to be jealous.  She wanted him to want her.  She wanted him full stop.  Now she had blown it all out of proportion with her stupid petty intentions.  She walked quickly to the park at the other end of the road and sat on a bench, watching back along the street.  She saw him come out of the cafe within minutes of her.  Saw him stand, one hand running through his hair as he frantically searched for her. 

She toyed with walking back to him, apologising, telling him the truth.  As she did so, a voice to her side said "I thought you were buying our food for tonight?  Sitting here won't do much sis!" Looking round, Luke was walking up to her, arms outstretched.  He gathered her into a hug.  "You going to tell me what's really up?  You've been a wet weekend since I came home - don't deny it I can tell.  My little sister may be a great teacher but she's a terrible liar."  He kissed the top of her head "come on, we're going out for something to eat.  You can have some wine and you can tell me EVERYTHING.  And I mean EVERYTHING. Ok?"

"Ok" she finally relented as she looked up at him.  He was every bit as tall as Tom she thought involuntarily.  She hugged him tightly. "Thanks Luke."

"I haven't done anything yet!" he said, pulling back. "But ok, you're welcome." he kissed her cheek affectionately "Let's go kiddo."

Standing in the street, Tom looked about.  She was nowhere to be seen. DAMMIT he cursed silently. YOU SODDING IDIOT. Then he saw her.  In the park. In 'his' arms, he was kissing her cheek and saying something. She nodded and they walked away, arm in arm, with her nestled into his side. Tom found himself wrestling with the most green eyed of monsters.

His heart sank into his boots. Yep. Sodding idiot was about right. 

He should go home to see if the masterpiece was finished yet.  Not for the first time, he told himself it was safer just to love his son.  He would apologise though. She deserved that much. On Monday.  Yes, he would definitely apologise on Monday. 

Monday.  It was so far away.

God, what was happening to him? Despite his Mum, despite JJ, for the first time in a long time, he felt truly alone. He still needed that bloody hug.