Nobody Needs To Know Our Secrets (Original)

13. Zhou Mu - Left Untold (Slight R)

It was raining that afternoon. 

Zhao Sheng and I were sitting on the sofa, silently listening to the rain. With only the sound of our breathing and the sound of the rain pattering, my mind began to wander. 

"To save face, to give face, and to lose face– a concept of reputation." 

The idea of reputation has been ingrained in me since childhood. My father would put his hand on my shoulder as he introduced me to people, gripping my shoulder tight if I say the wrong words. 

Zhao Sheng was currently playing with my hands. Rubbing them in circles, and then interlacing our hands together. "I think we need a therapist."

I did not respond to his nonsense. He chuckled beside me, "Zhou Mu, there's an improvement." 

"What improvement?" I cocked my head to the side to glance at him. 

Zhao Sheng, "You're more tolerable of my silliness. And you ask me questions now." He gripped his hold of my hand tighter. 

I found it laughable, but I did not laugh. "I see." 

"Zhou Mu..." He called out my name and started saying nonsense again. "They don't know anything. They only believe in their own truth and their own being. They believe they're selfless but they are selfish hypocrites." 

Riddle-like words for everyone, but I know who was "they" he was talking about. 

I finally laughed. "You're right." 

---

The family dinner has to come eventually. I can't remember much about it except the imaginary pain on my cheeks for smiling too much. A gentle smile, gentle youth. 

I also hate to admit it then, but I longed to go back to feel Zhao Sheng's company. I wasn't very honest with myself then, nor can I say even now. 

After socializing with my relatives, I planned to go to the bathroom for a few minutes to smoke. 

As I was about to take my first step, someone grabbed my wrist. Zhao Sheng's clingy nature passed through my mind, but I immediately dismissed it. 

"Where are you going, A'Mu?" Zhou Ming asked. Seeing my brother's face made me frown in annoyance. However, I quickly caught myself, plastering back my smile. 

I refused to answer him. "Please excuse me, brother." 

Zhou Ming let out a quiet laugh, "Mother is watching." 

I glanced at the petite woman across from us with eyes showing a hint of anxiety. My eyes then moved their focus to my father who was also glaring at us. Unlike Mother, Father's eyes held contempt and disgust as he stared at me. 

The bastard lowered his voice so that I could only hear him, "A'Mu...The guy at your apartment, can I have him?" 

Knowing all he was doing was taunting me,  I kept my demeanor–but my hands unknowingly already formed into a fist. "Excuse me."  

I needed to leave. 

If I had to look back again. The only one I could sympathize with in my family was my nephew, A'Rong. His mother– my sister– is a wretched woman. His father is another bastard. 

A'Rong is a sensible child, aware of adult wisdom. He once said, "Uncle, my mom is using me." 

Perhaps he foolishly knew he could trust me in keeping his words a secret, he let me know of things that should've been left unsaid. 

A'Rong, "Mother told me I needed to cry. I needed to learn how to act pitifully when my father is around. Uncle, my mother is using me to get father's attention." Then the kid started laughing.