Never Really Over

Chapter 32

November 2019

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear James
Happy Birthday to you

The party room at the soft play Georgia frequents with what John refers to as the 'Mummy Crew' explodes with cheers as the song ends and Georgia blows out the sole candle on James' monkey birthday cake. Quickly, she switches it with the miniature version, created purely for the baby to destroy. Waste of a decent cake that is, John had remarked when Georgia had explained the concept of a smash cake to him.

James' favourite cuddly toy is a monkey called Bongo, his favourite food is bananas, so it was only fitting that his first birthday party be monkey themed. Monkey garlands and balloons, in a variety of greens, decorate the walls, even the party hats have monkey ears. The buffet features monkey cupcakes, peanut butter and banana sandwiches and chocolate dipped bananas. James is dressed in a tiny little fluffy monkey suit, much to John's chagrin, Gigi you can't do that to him, he'll hate you for this when he grows up. James hates her already, refusing to keep the hood up, pushing it down every time Georgia pulls it up to take a picture or show someone how cute he looks with ears.

There's silence as everyone expectantly watches the baby in his highchair with the smash cake sitting in front of him. The din in the room has unsettled James, John can tell, even though he is hanging back, at the foot of the long party table, keen to keep a low profile amongst all these people who are strangers to him, but friends to Georgia; women she met at antenatal classes, on the labour ward or at various baby groups or classes. James has quite the friendship group despite only being on the earth for twelve months.

"Go on JJ," Georgia taps James' little palm against the cake, but he doesn't like the feel of the sticky chocolate ganache and he pulls his hand away quickly. Everyone laughs, and John's feels his chest tighten; James is uncomfortable, and they all think it's funny. The noise bothers James further, his face falls, his lip start to quiver, he glances around the room and John knows instantly; he is looking for him, he wants rescued.

"Come here mate." James reaches out his arms to John as soon as he sees him approach, moving his hands in the air like pincers, begging to be picked up, like he does when John sees to him first thing in the morning, or if he picks him up from a nap. "Let's go for a walk," he rubs the baby's back tenderly before they start making circuits of the room. John speaks soothingly, like when he's trying to settle James at bedtime.

"I get it, I don't like being the centre of attention either."

In fact, as they were getting ready for the party John had scoffed at the matching monkey t-shirts, she had brought for them to wear. No chance Gigi, we'll look like a pair of knobs.

As John paces, he hears snippets of conversation that make him sweat. No, he's not the dad... Isn't he good with him though?!... I wonder, when the wedding will be?!

John feels himself tense, who said anything about a wedding?! James senses John's agitation and starts gurning. "Let's go to the ball pool, eh?!" Fuck the party. One-year-olds don't need all this fuss anyway; he'd already told Georgia this. What's the point in a party!? He won't even remember it!

*

"Let's make a deal," John carries James past the older kids' section of the soft play, the noises come from it would not be out of place in a zoo, and the children inside it look like they are taking part in a Royal Rumble. "You stay this little forever, because it's not safe in there."

They settle in the baby area, in the ball pool, because that's James' favourite. He doesn't wobble when John sits him down, he has mastered sitting and crawling now. He hasn't shown any interest in walking yet, he can zip around so quickly on his knees that John doesn't see why he'd bother learning to get around on his feet.