Never Really Over

Chapter 53

The atmosphere in the dressing room is sombre. You could hear a pin drop, as John's mum would say, when normally it's so alive with music and voices that the noises can make John's ears ring. John feels like, as one of the more senior players, he should probably say something, but he's entire body is numb, he has nothing to offer. Other people speak, but he couldn't tell you what they said. Later, someone will tell him Prince William was there, but he has no recollection of it.

The mood on the bus to the hotel is no better, but when they arrive at the hotel and walk into the function suite where all the player's friends and family are waiting, they find a room filled with happiness and pride, and John remembers today isn't just a day of pain and disappointment, it is one to celebrate everything they have achieved and the mood shifts.

Seeing his parents is like a balm on his pain. It's been so long since he has seen them that he tells his mum she looks taller and his dad he looks balder. His family are incredibly proud of him and very quickly he realises that he has not let them down. He shows them the video of JJ and he watches his mum's eyes get watery because he knows that when Georgia left, she didn't just take JJ away from him; his entire family loved him too. "Isn't he lovely!?" Janet enthuses, John could not agree more, he doesn't think he has ever seen anything so cute.

On repeat viewings of JJ's video with his family, John notices something new every time, like JJ still isn't wearing socks, or the smattering of freckles he has across his nose from playing in the sun, or that Bongo the monkey still sits on his pillow. The little glimpse of his baby is like a drug, one he has been craving for months, and he is desperate for more. His mum knows him well enough to ask warily, 'You haven't done anything stupid have you!?' He isn't supposed to contact Gigi, he knows that, but he feels like the video is an olive branch, and he has done just that. A simple DM saying 'Hi' for now, he is telling himself if Georgia doesn't reply then he will leave it there and just be grateful for what she has given him but isn't sure how strong his restraint actually is.

Eventually he remembers Beth. As he looks around the room to seek her out all he can see is his teammates sitting at different tables with their own families and then he realises something he had not contemplated before now. Colin will be here. When his eyes find Beth, she is at the bar, he watches her eyes flick around the room, and he knows she is people watching, one of their favourite activities. She's probably trying to guess which of the players are having to pretend to be happy to see their wives when they are actually desperate to get home and call their mistresses. He excuses himself from his table and joins Beth, "Go on then," he swallows hard and takes a long gulp of his beer as he tries to act nonchalant. "Where is he?! Colin the Caterpillar?! You gonna introduce me?" His throat is dry with nerves over the prospect of meeting the man who is undoubtedly more sophisticated and put together than he can ever hope to be, but morbid curiosity makes him want to check out the competition.

"He's not here," Beth shrugs and narrows her eyes. That's why she's alone at the bar, she thinks she's probably the only person here who doesn't have anyone here, and she hasn't wanted to piggyback with Dom's or Jordan's families because she would feel as though she was intruding. "I told you he isn't into football."

"It's not about football," John says in disgust. "It's about you. He hasn't seen you for weeks."

"I'll see him tomorrow," Beth shrugs, it's not a big deal. She can't wait to go to sleep with Maxi at her feet, she has heard so many people say they can't wait for their 'own bed' but she doesn't have that, because she still thinks of her bed as being the one at her apartment.

"If I hadn't seen you for weeks," John says poignantly. "I'd have the first one here."

"How is everyone?" Beth swiftly changes the subject and glances towards John's family. She's going to head up to bed soon, not feeling like she belongs here.