Never Really Over

Chapter 52

"When you gonna tell him?"

Those five little worlds spoil the moment completely. They completely shatter the illusion that Beth is his. She's in his lap with his lips hovering by her ear whilst his palm caresses her thigh. His fingers have been brushing teasingly against the hem of her thong. Still too soon for any regrets over what has just happened and still ruled by his hormones, he has been thinking that now they have, without a shadow of a doubt, cheated, then he might as well take things a step further. The sound of her coming would be so sweet, but he doesn't get to hear it because at the mention of Colin he feels her body stiffen.

His heart starts to feel heavy as dread fills it. He can almost feel it sinking in his chest, like a stone falling to the bottom of the ocean. Beth shifts her body away from his and is fidgeting with the engagement ring that is loose on her finger.

"We shouldn't have done that," she says sheepishly, in an almost whisper. She can't look at him, the shame of hurting him again is too strong. She gets up and crosses her arms protectively against her chest, this only makes him feel worse, like she thinks he is some kind of perv.

"We have to stop this John. We're better as friends."

He laughs at the ridiculousness of this; a nervous laugh that masks his hurt and anger.

"Friends?" He sucks on his cheeks and bites his lip with an eyebrow raised. "Friends don't do this Beth!" He gets to his feet as anger surges through his veins and gestures wildly with his arms. The air isn't just hot because they are in a sauna, there is a tension between them that is palpable. "You just had my dick in your mouth!"

He understands now how badly he treated Gigi. What was she supposed to think when he kept falling back into bed with her?! Every time she probably had the hope that Beth has just given him, only to have it snatched away over and over again. It feels horrible and he wishes he could somehow get a message to her to tell her that he is sorry.

"I'm gonna go." He has to get away from her before he says something he will regret because his head is swimming is insults. She's a slag... Just an attention seeker... He almost tells her that the next time she wants a confidence boost she should go see one of the twenty or more guys here that would love some attention from her because he is sick of being messed around.

His hand is on the door before his frustration boils over. Later, alone in bed he will be annoyed with himself for getting himself into this position, hadn't he promised to focus on football!?

"I don't know what you want from me Beth!?" He cries. He's tried ghosting her, he's tried being angry with her, he's tried to take things slow and let her come back to him in her own time but none of it has worked. She's still getting married, and he is just a dirty little secret that she'll leave behind when they leave here. "What the fuck does he give you that I can't!?"

"Commitment!" Her throat burns with the fierceness of her words. Colin has promised her a future she has no doubt he will deliver on. A comfortable life in a nice house with a holiday every year and a mini break or two added in. Kids... Eventually. What more could anyone want?! True love was just a fairy tale.

"I already told you!" He throws his arms in the air. "I will give you anything you want. Wedding, house, baby..."

It's just words, another in a long line of promises he has made her and never delivered on. A lovely dream, that is destined never to come true.

"You say that John, but you can't!" Her voice is strained. "After Ross, I wanted us to be together, but you said no, go kiss some frogs. Then when I thought it was finally going to happen you ditched me to play daddy to someone else's baby. Twice." The pain of their split last year is still so raw.