𝐌𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐌𝐞 𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐞

39

I was taught not to show any emotions because it is a sign of weakness and I'm expected to be tough but the truth is I'm not,yeah I may act tough,look tough and make people think I am because I'm so un approachable worst part is I was not meant to catch feelings.Love is a complete waste of time and in the end you'll still get hurt,my heart shattered like a broken glass of wine,my blood dripping down my wrist as I looked at my bruised knuckles,feeling and tasting the salty tears that rolled down my cheek.

I was crying.

I showed emotions.

I'm weak but there's no going back,not now that she's dead.I could barely remember her face,it was a blur and that night she left,never to be seen again.I can't do it I can't because if I go for her funeral I'll break down completely,i fucking can't and now my mother is dead.I didn't get a chance to say goodbye nor ask why she left dad,why she left us,why she left me.

I run my hands true my hair pulling every strand out of frustration as I choked on my tears,what on earth is wrong with me.

"Get your shit together boy!"

"Pardon?"I stare at my father in the eye.

"Don't cry over the dead it's pointless"he says with a dead look "she was your wife!"I yell at him,I lost control and I wasn't supposed to.

"Was"

"Did you ever love her dad?"

"Did she ever love me?"

"Answer my fucking question!"I curse.

"Yes"

"menteur sanglant"I curse under my breath.

"Yes I loved her so much it hurt boy it hurt so damn bad when she left"his voice was shaking and I could tell he was trying to stable himself but for how long dad?

"I'm going for a walk"I get up from the broken glass I knelt on,I had just punched my fist into our window and it felt so darn good,to let a good anger out.

"No your not,your not stable at the moment and I can't loose another one Nicolas don't do this to yourself"he stood in front of me and I stop and give him a death stare,I was angry because he was damn right,I'm not fucking stable but when was I ever not stable?

"Ok I'm gonna shower then"I say calmly and head up to my room,Tony and Chaya were out but I know once they get back and hear the awful news,they'll loose their shit too and I have to be there for them,to comfort my little sister so I can't fucking be a pussy and cry.She doesn't need to see me like this and neither does he.I never thought I fall in love,the thought of someone catching my attention,I wasn't into relationship.Sure fuck to let off some steam but there was never any string attached until I met him.He's the light to my darkness,my hope,I couldn't let him see me like this.He's going through shit too,I couldn't even imagine what he has been going through with his dad before I met him and I'm glad I did but then again I'm not because love hurts especially when your obsessed.

My love for you turned to an obsession and the moment you realize you might leave me too but I won't stop you,okay that was a lie.

His blue eyes,those pretty long lashes you won't notice from afar and the little detailed spots on his olive skin.Plum pink lips that I could live on from just one taste and his freckled cheeks that he's so insecure of.His long black hair,I love his natural curls,smooth legs,sexy body.I'm falling in love with you mon cœur and I don't think I can fall out.

The thrill scares me,from a first glance at you I thought you were perfect but I never thought I fall for that perfection.I turn on the shower as I feel it hit my back and muscles,I watched as the blood flowed with the water.I get crazy thoughts from just looking at him,how I want to pin you down and make you scream my name while I fuck the shit out of you til your ass is sore and you can't come anymore but you'll beg for more because I'll make you crazy over me.I want to feel every inch of you,I want to taste that beautiful ass of yours and claim you as mine forever,til death do us.