Queen Of The Tide

SCREAMING, CRYING, DYING

Dear Diary,

Lucas told me that he keeps a diary/journal thing and it helps him to process his emotions. So I have decided to try it out as well.
A lot has happened since we left the capital. Esmeray has been training non-stop and I am a bit worried about her, I had a panic attack in front of Lucas because I had a flashback. Ugh. I hate myself.
Anyways, there was a portal. Open. At 10 pm. On a Wednesday. Who does that?
And what else? Oh, there was a bombing attack, we found Damon's cigarette butt outside but let's not talk about all that. The best thing right now is that me and Lucas are spending so much more time together.
He's the best.
And I think I am developing a major crush on him. I sound like a teenager but yeah. We almost kissed today. I wish we did.
So yeah. I don't know what else to write.

Bye ig?

I close the diary.

I still can't believe we almost kissed. I let out a squeal and drop on the bed, my feet dangling off the edge.

It was perfect like stuff out of books.

I was practicing putting on eyeliner on him. And I guess, I got a little too close. He cupped my cheek and our lips almost met before he pulled away.

"We shouldn't be doing that," was what he said before leaving.

So, now I am in this weird middle place. 

Does he like me or not? I mean he told me but I don't know if I should be believing him.

"Hey there, Pearl."

He leans against the door frame waiting for me to ask him to come in.

"Heyyy! Come in."

He lays down beside me and I turn around to face him.

"C'mere."

I was waiting for that.

I throw my leg over his and his arms wraps around my waist pulling me closer.

I don't feel trapped only when he hugs me. In fact, I feel more free. If that makes sense.

"I wanted to talk to you about something, Angel."

I look up at him, my chin on his chest. "What's up?"

His stormy eyes soften at the sight of my face. His face visibly relaxes as he leans closer to my face, making our foreheads meet, "I am sorry about earlier. I just...I freaked out. I felt like I was taking advantage of you."

He's close enough for me to feel his breath on my face. Minty.

"Is there mint in your toothpaste?"

He blinks at me before erupting in laughter.

"I say all of that. And that's your reply." He laughs.

"No, I mean. It's okay. You don't have to kiss me if you don't want to obviously..."

"Wait wait...who said I didn't want to?"

I open my mouth then close it.

"Did you malfunction?" He asks, trying to get up.

I press my hand on his chest, putting him back under me. "You're not going anywhere."

His eyebrows rise and a smirk plays on his lips.

With one swift motion, he twists us around. Now, he hovers over me, his arms on either side of my head.

Guess, I am not going anywhere.

I look away, trying to not meet his eyes because I know if I do, I will start giggling and squealing and who knows what.

"Hi." He exhales.

"Hi."

"So...where were we earlier?"

"Well, you were a bit closer."

He drops to his elbows. 

"Like this?"

I don't pay attention to anything else other than how close he is getting.

I close my eyes, letting him do whatever.

His hands burrowed into my hair. I reached up mine as a response, please don't stop.

"If you want me to stop, then tell me now, Pearl," he whispers.

I say nothing. My brain has turned into mush. In a good way.

He brushes his mouth against my cheek "Or now." He drops kisses in line against my jaw "Or now." His lips on my chin, barely touching my lips.

A whimper escapes me.

I can't fathom touching him like this — his hair, his neck — I gently push the back of his head to draw him closer.

My entire being is on fire and he is the only one that can fix this. Fix me.

The shock of his lips on mine feels so oddly perfect. It isn't cold, it's isn't dominating. It's perfect.

He smells like his usual expensive cologne and sea breeze.

I can't tell where his exhale stops and my inhale starts. To be honest, I can't tell anything other than the feeling of his mouth on mine.

Everything stops. Other than us moving in perfect harmony.

I feel his hands everywhere. My waist, the side of my hips, my hair. And it doesn't feel like it did with Damon.

It feels good.

It feels so, so good.

The kiss gets harder, deeper. More urgent as if he needs this just as much as I do.

I love him....

I love him.

I LOVE HIM.

The realisation dawns on me.

The past few months, play in my head.

The first hug, the calling almost every night, the shopping, the flowers, him cooking for me, the giddy feeling I could never shake when he was around.

It's was not a friendship. It's not even a crush.

I fist his shirt and slightly push him away.

I am in love with Lucas.