"It" Can't Be Helped (Revised) | ✔️ | Blue Exorcist

17

The weekend came and went, and the school week passed as if nothing had happened. I half expected my classmates to treat me differently, like a abandoned dog on the freeway. Yet, it was like I dreamed the whole scenario. No one brought it up, no one gave me any side glances, and when they spoke to me, it was with the same tone they used with each other. The only things that reminded me that the events had actually transpired, was when I would go back to the dorm. Yukio had made due on his promise to take care of our meals. However, he wasn't the greatest in the kitchen, and most of our dinners came in take-out containers. He'd been apologetic, but I'd waved him off. Food was food, it didn't matter how he got it. He also made sure that I followed any other rules. Even after a week, I was still uncomfortable without my sleeves. I was thankful that my t-shirts covered the upper half of my arms, but most of the damage had been caused to my forearms. Every once in awhile, I'd catch Yukio's eyes lingering on them. Due to this, I've begun a habit of covering my arms with my hands, my fingers picking at my skin from my anxiety.

I sighed, pushing open the door to Tsubaki-sensei's class. Yet another uneventful school day had passed, and while I was grateful for that, it meant that my itch to self harm would start to ramp up again. One full week without it, something I'd never considered before. But goddamn if it wasn't more difficult than expected. I wanted the blood, the high, and the pain. Yet, that was taken from me, and I was expected to adhere with societal norms. I shook my head of my thoughts and entered the locker room. Suguro-san was here already, but I didn't pay him any mind. Instead, I opened my locker and retrieved my gym clothes, walking toward the bathroom and locking myself in a stall. After I had changed, I returned to my locker, putting my school uniform inside. When I turned away, I caught sight of Bon's expression. "What's wrong?"

He sighed and closed his locker, as well. "I just can't believe I never noticed how odd your behavior was. You've been changing in the bathroom for months." I shrugged, it could've been waved off as a self-esteem issue, I wouldn't say that my behavior was odd. "And you wear those long sleeves, even though it's hotter than hell in that room." Okay, yeah, that one would've been a bit harder to explain. "The fact that the shirt is black is fucked up too, we'd never know if you were bleeding underneath it. It's just so obvious now that something was up."

"It's not your fault. I got really good at hiding it."

He was quiet for a few moments, "are you sorry that you did it?"

My brows furrowed, "I'll need you to clarify that."

"Are you sorry that you lied to us?" I nodded my head. Of course, it was never my intention to hurt anyone. Unfortunately, that seems to be all I'm doing lately. My classmate hummed, "are you sorry that you hurt yourself?" Silence hung in the air between us, and I wasn't sure how I should respond. I was saved from doing so when the door opened, Koneko and Shima were chatting with each other as they walked in. It only took a few moments, but they realized that they had interrupted, and from the solemn look on Bon's face, I guess they knew it was a serious conversation. I dropped my gaze to the floor, deciding to ignore his question. I made my way out of the locker room, my skin prickling as their eyes followed me out. 

.oOo.

It was the last class of the day, and Yukio was just reviewing our last few lessons. He told us to study for an upcoming quiz and my peers began to talk quietly about what they had planned for the night. It was a Friday evening, and most people would be going into town or heading home for the weekend. Not me, I'd be sitting in the dorm, looking for something to do while I impatiently waited for school to start on Monday. After a few minutes, a phone rang and my eyes shifted toward the front of the room. Yukio pulled out his phone, his mouth forming a thin line as he read the message. Eventually, he sighed and leaned on the podium. "I've been called on an emergency mission, so I'll end class early today. I'm sure you are all capable of reviewing the material on your own, anyway." He pocketed his phone and straightened his papers before packing them inside of his bag. I turned my gaze downwards, back to the pharmaceutical book before me. "Suguro-san, may I have a word with you?" Curiosity gnawed at me, wondering what my brother's conversation might entail, but I forced myself to focus, deciding that I'd find out later.