The drawer to my nightstand was ripped open so forcefully it came off the hinges and clattered straight to the ground, right on my foot. Pain shot through me and I barked out a disbelieving laugh, reaching down to snatch my knife.
Do you really want to do this?
Fuck you: yes.
I dropped down to my knees, not a single thread of hesitation present as I flipped open the blade and slid it against my wrist. Light flooded in from the hallway, causing a small shadow on my skin as the injury bubbled up but held firm due to the surface tension. I made several cuts before the pain began to register. My pathetic feelings were so overwhelming it seemed even pain was hard to get through my psyche. I bite down on my tongue, tracing over the already-made lacerations with a bit more force. I hissed as the searing sensation tingled in my spine and up my neck. The familiar sense of danger and glee erupting in my heart. Red lines began bleeding together as I vexed my unraveling thoughts.
Stupid bitch.
A new cut.
Just leave me alone.
Blood finally pooled enough to drip off my arm, splattering against the hardwood.
"What would your father think?"
Fuck you, I'll show you what I think.
The tip of my blade dug in deep and I relished in the agony it rewarded me. I stared at the new wound, panting shallowly.
Blood.
It was everywhere.
Down his chin, from his ears, out his fucking eyes. His voice echoed inside my skull, so jumbled that I couldn't make out any words, but I'd know that voice anywhere. I flinched, dropping the knife and covering my ears, the roar of my heartbeat not enough to drown out the noise. Whining, I picked up the knife again, moving to my non-dominant hand and hacking away at my other wrist. There was no bliss, no endorphins from those cuts, just magnified guilt.
"Fuck off!" I snarled, raking the blade against my right bicep. Thunder roared outside, and I narrowed my eyes at my window, Darkness stared back at me and I grunted, dragging my blade away from my upper arm and shakily toying with it. Had it dulled, why wasn't it working??
Horrid memories flashed in my mind and I was quick to rip the knife against my forearm again. Absolutely no reprieve came from the action.
"Why would you say that?!" I abruptly screamed at myself, tears springing to my eyes as those damning words replayed in my head. "You ungrateful bastard." No— calm down. I couldn't handle this right now. I was already in the middle of a meltdown. The last time I freaked out over Dad, I bleed all over the mattress. I needed to get a grip.
Ungrateful.
I swallowed around the knot in my throat.
Undeserving.
My fingers clenched around the knife handle.
Pathetic.
I pulled the blade against my limb, becoming pissed at the lack of empty space. I flipped my arm, slamming my palm down to the floor and dragging the razor-edge up the unmarked skin. That... now that felt dangerous. A little too much leverage.
A few small puddles had formed around me. Not enough to be concerned about, but enough to have my vision swimming with red as my eyes welled over. All I wanted was for these thoughts, these emotions, to leave me alone. But my tried-and-true method was failing me. A sob ripped past my vocal cords, grating them and making my voice ragged as I plead into nothingness to just make it all stop.
Worthless
Another line up the back of my arm.
Useless.
A cut over fresh wounds.
Dangerous.
Biting pain as the knife's tip dug deep.
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"It" Can't Be Helped (Revised) | ✔️ | Blue Exorcist
Fanfiction(Revised Story) Rin is neither human nor demon, he fits in nowhere. His so called "friends" make that known often, and his own brother has turned his back on him. With no one to talk to, Rin turns to self destructive behaviors in order to get throug...
