"It" Can't Be Helped (Revised) | ✔️ | Blue Exorcist

21

The weekend went by way too quickly. We had so much fun that I ended up forgetting about my current situation. That night, Shima and Bon had gone back to their dorm and retrieved some belongings. Some of which included a gaming console and a small television. We spent most of the night playing first person shooter games and bickering. When midnight rolled around, Bon and I hauled an extra mattress into the bedroom from a nearby room. The new bed was placed on the floor by the desk. Shima had claimed said mattress and Bon had chosen to stay on Yukio's bed. My twin and I decided to simply share my bed like we had the night before. I didn't mind, seeing as how I seemed to sleep better with his presence nearby, anyway. On Sunday, Bon had tried to talk us into watching Star Wars, but everyone voted against him. Instead, we watching a newly released comedy film. We ate popcorn and snickered at each other when a few jokes related to a few of us. However, when the evening came, we all said our goodbyes. We all had homework and other preparations to take care of before the school week started.

Even then, I had been so engrossed in my assignments that I didn't have much time to focus on my dilemma. Now, as I sat in the cafeteria, staring at my uneaten cereal, it all came crashing down. I swallowed dryly, the thought of going to my day classes seemed far more daunting than when I had to go to cram after my demon half had been exposed. I sighed and grabbed my spoon, picking up some cereal and milk before turning the utensil and letting the contents fall back into the bowl.

I haven't even seen this damn photo, but I could guarantee almost everyone on campus had. If they hadn't been sent it over the weekend, I'm sure phones would be passed during classes and the entire school would know by lunchtime. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if the teachers learned of it by the end of the day, either.

I repeatedly played with my food, a gnawing feeling eating me from the inside out. I wanted my blade back, more than ever. I wanted to skip my classes and spend my day on the roof, bloodletting until I couldn't see straight. The thought made me bit my lip. I daydreamed of the possibilities of such freedom. Now that everyone knew, I had nothing to hide If I could just get my hands on that blade again, I'd maim myself far worse than I ever have. Knowing full well that I would only have that one chance to get my fix. I'd cut myself as many times as I wished. Drive the blade so deep that I severed arteries, so deep that I hit fat, maybe even muscle. Who knows? If it was going to be the last time I'd be able to, I might as well push myself to my limits.

My twin sighed, and the sound shattered my daydream. I blinked away my thoughts and glanced up at him. He was assessing me, his lips turned down into a scowl. "You've got that weird look, again. What's wrong?"

I sighed and set my spoon down, "I'm not very hungry."

He caught on quickly and hummed, "It's alright, it won't do you any good to throw up later by forcing it down. But what else is wrong?"

I gave him a pointed glare, "what else could it be?" I took a deep breath, pushing my bowl away and leaning my chin against my palm. "Everyone knows, Yukio. It's been rough with just the cram students knowing. The thought of going to school," I swallowed audibly, my dry mouth making it difficult. "It makes me so anxious that I can't calm down."

He was silent, and after several seconds passed I had to check to see if he was even listening. His eyes were guarded when I looked at him, however. "Nii-san," he started out slowly, his tone cautious. "There will be no blood today, understood? Call me if you need to, but don't make even a scratch, okay?"

I rolled my eyes, "With what phone? You lost it at the mission, or did you forget already? Also," I grabbed my spoon and swirled the bowls contents before pointing the utensil at him, milk dripping off the end. "I haven't cut myself since you took that knife away." I intended for the words to be sarcastic, but they came out more bittersweet.