"It" Can't Be Helped (Revised) | ♾️ | Blue Exorcist

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A pair of hands gripped my shoulders and pulled me away from the toilet bowl. Unable to fight against them, I complied. However, my body wasn't cooperating and I fell backward. My ass hit the tile and my hands went back to break my fall. I turned to the side, using my free hand to grip the front of my shirt. There was a crushing weight inside of my chest, and my heart felt moments away from exploding. Oxygen ripped through my tightened windpipe, shallowly filling my lungs as I hyperventilated. Hands grabbed me once more, pulling me away from the floor. I kicked against the tile, trying my best to sit up. "Shhh, hey, hey, it's okay!" Yukio rushed out. He leaned me against the bathroom wall and I slammed the back of my head against it. "Hey! What's wrong?!" I couldn't speak, I couldn't even see. My vision was clouded with tears, and my rapid breathing was making the world spin. I shook my head, my fingers digging into my chest, trying to pull the faulty organ out. "What happened?" His voice was a bit more composed this time.

"I don't know, I asked him out to the dance and he went quiet. He zoned out for awhile and when he finally came back to earth he started panicking." Izumo sounded distraught and it was a foreign emotion for her. Guilt rippled through my body and I dry heaved.

"You asked him out?"

"To the dance, yes. Why, did I do something wrong?"

Fingers gripped my chin, but I swatted them away. "Nii-san, try to take a deep breath. You'll pass out if you keep it up." I knew that, but it's not like I could do anything about it. If I could breathe any deeper, I would have by now. His fingers went into my hair and he pushed my bangs away from my face. "You're having a panic attack, Rin." No fucking shit. I tried to vocalize the thought, but my voice was strangled in my throat. I snapped my head back, ripping his hand from my hair and slamming my head back into the wall. "Aht! Stop that!" He pulled me away from the wall, leaning me forward. My throat was torn to shreds at this point, and breathing felt like I was inhaling glass. Strange noises escaped my body and I heard my brother cuss. Suddenly, his hand was over my mouth. I pulled my hands from my chest and dug my nails into his palm. Was he trying to suffocate me? That didn't seem like the proper reaction to a panic attack. He didn't flinch, however, clamping his hand over my mouth, forcing me to breath through my nose.

"Hold your breath, I'll count to five and you breath out." I shook my head. "Can you hold your breath?" I shook my head, again. He sighed and moved his thumb to close one of my nostrils. My lungs struggled to pull the oxygen through only half of my nose and I whined. He hushed me, "give it a minute, just trust me." My tears dripped down and over his fingers as he held onto me firmly. My wheezing persisted, but after what seemed like an eternity, my panicked breathing slowed down.

I dug my nails into his palm and he released me. I sputtered for breath, choking on the fresh wave of air. After my coughing subsided, I drew in a shaky breath. I moved to rub my eyes, blinking away my tears and looking upwards. Yukio was crouched down next to me and Izumo stood not far behind him. My twin held a reserved expression, his eyes unreadable and his lips a thin line. Izumo wasn't as guarded, her concern shining through freely. I swallowed, rubbing my sore chest and shifting into a more comfortable position.

"You okay?" My twin questioned, his voice level.

I nodded.

"Good. Now, what happened?"

I pulled my knees closer, bringing my hand to my face and chewing on my nails. I shrugged, not really sure how to explain myself.

"Let's start from the beginning, then." Yukio shifted, moving to sit cross-legged on the floor in front of me. He ran a hand through his hair and readjusted his glasses. "What was the catalyst? Was it Kamiki-chan's question?"

I nodded.

He mirrored the action, his eyes never straying from mine. "Okay. What about it upset you?"