The Thin Line (Between Guilt & Blame)

Midnight

Sadie had a very well-rolled joint in the bed by herself. 

She'd never really been in the bed by herself... For a short time? Sure --  but in totality for the night? 

It felt wrong but -- she sure as hell wasn't going home. 

Unexpectedly, sometime past midnight, the door to the apartment opened. Sadie wasn't asleep so she was alert when she found the silhouette of Jax slipping into the room, "It's me." he muttered quietly. The door shut again. 

"I didn't invite you," she said coolly. 

"I know," he replied. He stood at the end of the bed. He cracked his knuckles against his palm -- a nervous habit. 

Sadie sat up, she was in just her ragged tank top and despite their intimacy, she felt strangely vulnerable -- this wasn't a booty call, "Then why are you here?" 

"Clay told you." 

Sadie wanted to scream but instead she nodded, "About Xanny? Yeah. And I think it's the best plan we've got." 

He scoffed, a humorless smile drawing across his features, "You don't get a vote at the table."

Sadie shook her head, "Maybe not, but you do -- and you were outvoted." 

His blue eyes were hazy -- he'd been drinking. Sadie hadn't seen him so cold in a long, long time. Honestly? Maybe ever. 

"I didn't come here to fight you, Sadie." 

The way he said her name made her frown, "Then why did you come?" Was she repeating herself? 

"To make it clear you're not being bait for an abusive drug dealer who happens to be your fucking crazy ex --"

Her fear of physical vulnerability took a back seat as she got out of bed, "Jax - I am so fucking sick of having this conversation! You might be the VP in there, headed for Prez -- but we are equals in here and you don't get to dictate every little piece of my fucking life! You just -- don't! Sorry if that screws with your plans." 

"You're going to trust Clay with this?" he asked, he towered above her but she wasn't afraid of him, "Really?" he asked like a smart-ass teenager. He knew too well how she truly felt about Clay. 

"Hey. Fuck you." Sadie turned away to find her pants. 

"I don't think you're listenin' --" Jax said, remaining close to her, hovering in her personal space. 

Sadie yanked on a pair of athletic shorts she found in a drawer, "No. I don't think you're listening! I live by the rules of this club. I am constantly in fear of losing you - losing Ope, Chibs -- this club runs in my veins too -- and I don't get a vote on ANY of it!!" tears filed her eyes and she hated herself for being so emotional, "So if I can help end this shit! Stop being held prisoner in my own life, yeah, I'm going to fucking do it Jax!"

"No you're not!" he yelled and she yelled back, "Yes I AM!" 

They were in each other's faces and Sadie was seeing red, "What? You gonna hit me? Fuck me up, be just like him because I won't do everything you say?" 

"This isn't like that and you know it -- don't try to spin this, Sadie, it's not going to work... But I am going to make it fucking clear to you -- if you do do this, you're siding with Clay, and I don't see how we can stay together if you do that...I just don't."

Sadie's stomach plummeted, "You're -- going to leave me? I want to take some autonomy and if I do you're going to fucking leave me!?" her voice raised. 

A heavy silence hung between them -- and gave her her answer.

"Fuck you, Jax." 

Sadie stormed out. 

Jax stood in the silence for a long moment as the weight on his shoulders became heavier and heavier -- until he swung his fist into the wall with a great scream.