"It" Can't Be Helped (Revised) | ♾️ | Blue Exorcist

36

So excited to post this part, hopefully it's dark enough to please you, my lil sadists.

I panted as I ran alongside the city limits. I was on the outskirts of town, and the large structures started to slowly morph into run-down apartment complexes and commercial buildings. The street lights lessened in number, as well, leaving most of my surrounding in shadows. It was several blocks back that the footsteps had faded. Yet, I knew that despite my hearing, their sight would still reach farther. After minutes of silence beside my own thudding feet and rampant breathing, I wondered if I was safe. I had to have lost them by now, but I knew that they'd find me eventually. I slowed down beside a nearby alleyway, finding it as my only haven. My palms leaned against my knees as I caught my breath and assessed my surroundings. This side of town was sparsely populated, giving me the perfect opportunity. I stood straight and ran down the alleyway, the world growing a bit dimmer as the lights grew farther away. I reached the end of its length and leaned against the cold brick.

I pulled off my suit jacket and button up, tossing them to the muddy ground beneath. I couldn't give a shit less if it caused permanent stains, it's not like I'd have another opportunity to wear it. Unless I actually got a funeral, that is. Without any hesitation, I brought my right arm to my mouth, sinking my fangs in and groaning. The sweet wash of endorphins shot through my system and it awoke my cravings. I pulled away and repeated the process, several times, the harsh stabbing only fueling my fire. I dug my teeth in further and whimpered when they sunk in deeper than expected. Pain flashed down my wrist and into my fingers and I wondered numbly if I had severed a nerve.

A humorless laugh escaped me as I switched arms. I didn't need to worry about nerve damage. To be honest, I didn't have to worry about any of the repercussions. I would've been dead in a week, anyway. My fangs pulled at the flesh, tearing at it slightly. White hot agony flashed behind my eyes and I reveled in the sensation. Soon enough, I wouldn't be able to feel anything at all. I wanted to dive as deep into this horrible obsession as possible. Just how far could I push myself to the edge? Maybe if I was lucky, I'd go too far and end my suffering here. That would save everyone the headache of it later.

The Grigori could keep their bullet: I had my exit.

The thrill of danger sparkled in my heart and I took a moment to appreciate the damage that I had caused. A little over a dozen bite wounds covered my forearms, and crimson liquid spilled freely, dripping up to my elbows and falling down to the cracked pavement and dirt below. All I could taste was iron, and I licked my lips to rid myself of the taste, but blood covered my mouth and dribbled down to my chin. A maniacal laugh erupted from my chest as I pictured just how deranged I must look. Once the Vatican received the photos of my corpse, they'd see just the type of monster that I was.

My eyes scanned the darkened alleyway and my gaze fell on a broken window. They trailed down to the concrete and I spotted some large shards of glass. Apparently, this area was abundant with crimes. It was obviously a case of breaking and entering. A demented smile crossed my bloodied lips as I reached forward and snagged the largest shard. I'd add suicide to the list of incident reports in the area.

I leaned back, my bare skin scraping against the brick. I held the glass firmly in my right hand, sizing it up. It wasn't a razor blade, and it wasn't the blessed knife. I glanced down at my injured arms, noting how my bite wounds were already starting to close. If I wanted to end it here, I'd have to make it violent, make it so sudden that my regeneration abilities couldn't possibly save me. A resolve settled in my mind, and it was like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I wouldn't have to deal with this wretched life anymore. I wouldn't need to wait, anxiously, for the Grigori to find the time to end me. A cackle passed through my lips. They may want to mount my head on a wall like some sort of trophy. However, this was my life and my body. I'll defile it until there was nothing but shreds left. I realized with a bit of glee that I'd get to fulfil my wish to vandalize myself beyond belief. I'd ruin their little trophy, so badly that the report of my death would be burned into their retinas for the rest of their fucking lives.