Dear Cheyanne

Graveside Talks

Here I am at the one place that brings my sad side out. Cheyanne's grave.

I needed to talk to her. Even though I was seeing her ghost, she was not there. After lunch with Vada today, I needed to detox. I had her journal in one hand and some flowers in the other. While walking up to her grave, anxiety started boiling. It looks like her parents' added things to the plot. I could already feel myself becoming emotional. Her grave looked beautiful.

Her gravestone was there.

They finally put it in. It had her name, birthdate, and the date she died. The stone was a beautiful gray color that shimmered in the sunlight. Just thinking about that day crushes my soul. There was also a picture of her on there too. I thought that looked very nice. There were flowers lined up in front of the gravestone with many different colors. Red roses, purple lilies, yellow daisies. I added some sunflowers to the mix since they were her favorite. Nobody knew her favorite flower well enough like I did.

"I brought you some sunflowers. I know they are your favorite." I spoke softly, laying them down by her grave.

I sat down in front of her stone, wanting nothing more than to let out a good cry. But I was fighting to in my eyes. I asked if Tia and Ben could meet me here. I had to be honest with them about my mental health, my dear friend and my feelings. I was not okay, and they both needed to know if they wanted to be my friends. The company they both give is reassuring, but I don't want to drag them down in my sadness. I know it is too much for some people.

Sitting in front of Cheyanne's grave, I was not exactly sure what to say. I was going to read her my letters, but she'd already heard the first one. But not the second. I let out a small sigh before opening my journal to page two. I could hear crows cawing close to me. My ears rang from the obnoxious noise. Clearing my throat, I began reading letter two. I stumbled over some words, while my nerves were beginning to tick in. Halfway through the letter, I looked up to see Cheyanne's figure in front of me behind the stone. She was on her knees, elbows against the stone smiling at me as I was reading. Something inside made me feel warm seeing her smile. I continued reading as the tears built up. I know they are going to explode out of me like dynamite. I was doing everything to keep it together.

Finally, I finished. I look up making direct eye contact with Cheyanne and her beautiful golden-brown eyes.

"Beautiful." She spoke. "I hope these letters help you." She added, not taking her eyes off me. I sighed, gently shutting the journal and setting it down in front of my knees.

"I thought you would like it." I murmured. It was hard sometimes to look up and think all of this was real or in my head. Everything seemed to be surreal.

"Of course. The roses are a nice touch to it all. You know I love them."

I laughed softly, slowly glancing back up at her. She was staring down at my flowers, brushing her fingers over the orange pedals. My head began to spin. After a couple minutes of silence, I broke it.

"How are you here?" I asked politely, glaring up at her glistening face.

"What do you mean?" She replied.

"I mean How is it that I can see you? I don't understand." I had to be honest. It was not that I did not want to see her, but my mental state was still not compatible with everything. Cheyanne laughed softly, looking back up at me with soft eyes.

"Because you need me. I want to help you get better." She responded calmly. My chest hurts. She was right but this I knew was still not normal.

"But I am broken, damaged and disoriented without you. Seeing you just makes me miss you more. It makes me think you are still real. One day, you will vanish from me, and I will be back to square one."