Dear Cheyanne

Feelings

Every day I wake up feeling like a hot curling iron was just stuck down my throat.

I can't tell if it's from crying at night or from screaming into a pillow. No matter what it is, I'm just sad. The sun is out with spontaneous weather? I feel blue. Nothing I try to do will cover up the sadness in my eyes, not even a hint of make-up.

It was a cloudy day. There was no sight of sunshine in the sky. That's how I knew that the day was going to be horrible. But that's the kind of weather you get in the town of Hillsboro, Oregon. Especially during this time of the year mid fall season.

But it does not matter how the weather looked, today was still very bleak.

I sat, my knees planted against my chest while my arms locked them into place. I felt like I was sitting here for days. No, I was sitting there for days. My hair in a low ponytail with the small curly baby hair poking out. I was dressed in comfy clothes, a large sized sweatshirt and plaid pajama pants. My black fuzzy socks matched the color of my sweatshirt. I was curled up with my chin resting gently on my knees.

I felt like a statue on a pedestal.

My ears rang from my mom's voice calling for me to get ready, reacting by slowly turning my head towards my bedroom door. I huffed softly.

It was giving me a migraine. I did not want to get ready. I wanted to stay in my room and never leave. I got some kind of courage to get up and made my way to my dresser to take some Tylenol. It never helps much but it will work for an hour max. I then proceeded to get ready.

My hair was wavy, I barely bothered to even try to look nice. I had a black dress on with a matching cardigan to hide my shoulders. I hate my shoulders. The sandals were the shoes I was looking at wearing. My mom was calling for me over and over.

I was dreading this funeral service. I wish I could skip it.

I didn't want to hear all the sappy stories about her and how she would be missed. Because yes, she will be deeply missed. I hated even bringing her up in conversation now.

A week ago, my best friend Cheyanne Wrangler was driving home from work when a drunk driver slammed into her when she was going through a green light. I didn't get the call until 3AM from her sister, Leah. It was a bad situation from the beginning. The doctors said she was lucky to be alive when she got to the hospital.

My heart burned, like it was being ripped to pieces when she told me she was in an accident.

I remember asking, "is she okay?". But all Leah said was "you better come quick."

That made my heart tear more. I couldn't tell you how quickly I got out of bed and went to the hospital. I sat in the waiting room for 3 days, I didn't move. People brought me food and I only nibbled on it. I did not have the stomach to eat.

I got in trouble for leaving the house that morning and didn't tell my mom where I went. She was looking for me all morning and when she figured out what happened to Cheyanne, she showed up at the hospital.

The first morning of the accident, she was in surgery for most of that morning. She had a punctured lung, broken arm, and leg, and she had a lot of head trauma from hitting her head on the steering wheel. The rest of that day, she slept. I would too if I was ever in her shoes, her body is tired.

The next day, she woke up once that morning, but wasn't speaking, just looking around at everybody with tears in her eyes. I was there. She looked scared. I held her hand and she even squeezed it a little bit. That made me feel like she was going to be okay. But later that day, she had a seizure and her brain started bleeding from all the inflammation she had from her head injury. After that seizure, they had to put her on a ventilator into a coma because she wasn't unresponsive.