Dear Cheyanne

Shattered Heart

The next morning, my body awoke peacefully. There was no headache, no pain and no reason for me to feel this day being a dread. I felt light and fresh. A smile was glued to my lips when I sat up, stretching. It felt so good to stretch.

I have never felt this happy in a long time. I inhaled the fresh scent of my room, exhaling hard. This made me want to crawl out of bed and be productive for once. First things first, a nice hot shower. I found something to wear, throwing it down on the bed. I strolled out of my room and headed to the bathroom, immediately turning the water on so it got hot quickly. I took my hair down from its messy bun, letting it flow down my back. The loose curls from last night still stayed in tack. It almost looked too pretty to wash. That's when I decided to throw my hair back up and leave it alone. I was feeling a braid today anyways.

I undressed quickly before stepping inside the shower. It was a quick one at that. After washing, I let the water run down my body. I could feel my muscles release from the tense pressure. My eyes rolled into the back of my head from how good the water felt. After standing there for a few minutes, I decided to get out. I turned the water off and wrapped my towel around my body tightly, after drying off every inch of my skin. I scurried to my room, feeling a blast of cool air hit me when I opened the bathroom door.

I started dressing in the outfit I laid out on my bed. A pair of black leggings with a red T-shirt to go with it. I stood in front of my mirror, twisting my hair in two tight fishtail braids. Once I was done with my hair, I felt the sudden urge to attempt putting some makeup on. It wasn't much, just some foundation, mascara and lip gloss. For once, I looked like a girl. I looked like my old self. I've missed this version of me. It gave me the energy to write to Cheyanne but write something positive.

After finishing getting ready, I made my way downstairs getting hit with the smell of coffee. Mom must be home. I decided to sit outside on this beautiful Saturday morning. I always loved sitting outside my house watching all the cars go by. I parked myself on our swing on my porch, opening my journal to a blank page and began writing---

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Dear Cheyanne,

How do I explain the emotions I am feeling right now. I feel... good. For once in a long time, I feel amazing. Last night was memorable, the entire night I felt complete, like the missing piece of my puzzle was put back together. I've never felt this way about a boy ever. Ben made me feel like I was the only girl in front of him. We went to dinner in Portland and stopped for ice cream on the way back home. We talked for so long, I swear I couldn't catch my breath when I got home.

The funny thing is that I woke up this morning feeling fresh. Like nothing bad has happened in this world. I can write you this letter for the 1st time and not feel angry and depressed. I feel new. Maybe this boy is the key to the new happiness I have. Just really hope things stay that way.

Therapy has gotten easier and easier to go to. Ms. Dayton and I are doing better. I remember when I wanted noting to do with that woman and I thought she was annoying. But now, things are good with her and I. For once, I feel alright going to my sessions. I don't cry during them anymore.

As for Vada, I don't know Cheyanne. She is out of control. She only sees Ezra as her number one and the only person that she can rely on. How can you rely on someone when they hurt you all the time? I don't get that. Does she love being treated that way? Is she just used to being brought down like that? No matter the situation, nobody deserves that. I just wish she would listen to me, her parents, anybody at this point. The Vada we knew before is long gone and I know it.

I just wish I could've done more.

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My writing was interrupted by my mother coming outside. She had two coffee cups in her hand. A small smile was attached to her face as I closed my journal.