Kissing Scars

Ch 4: Getting Home

Jay's P.O.V.

I jump from my seat and once again glance over at Blake who is putting his stuff into his bag, and Kate gives me her usual nasty glare adding a mischievous smile to it though. I hurry out of the class so I can avoid seeing anything that I don't need or want to see. I even rush off school property to be sure of no one catching me.

'Ugh why do I have to screw everything up all the time,' I thought. 'He was the one good thing to happen to me in a while, and I push him away. I didn't even say thanks for helping me out. I just freaked out at the thought that maybe, just maybe I could keep something good, but no I hurt that one good thing instead. I hate myself I really do,' I scolded myself again.

And just like that I had walked all the way home not even realizing it from being to busy mentally punishing myself for my stupidity today.

I turn my key in the lock, and open the front door to my house. I slowly and quietly step in. The T.V. is off. All the lights are off. And their isn't a single sound coming from anywhere.

Mom and Eric, my step-dad, must not be here. Yes!!!

I get the whole house to myself. I couldn't be happier. The moment of happiness throws the memories of earlier away for the time being.

I run up the stairs to my room, stopping in front of my door seeing that they left a note.

It read: Jay, me and Eric are out on a date, and won't be home till 11p.m. So feed yourself or starve.
Mom

Thanks for ruining my one second of happiness Mom. I crumble the piece of paper into a little ball and throw it in the trash can by my bed.

I walk to my radio, insert my iPod and start playing 'Kick Me' by Sleeping With Sirens. I turn the volume up till its pretty much blasting the lyrics at me. I head-bang along to the music, and let it take over me. Losing all my senses and get carried away till suddenly I lose my balance and fall onto my bed. I begin laughing at my usually embarrassing clumsiness.

I'm alone so there is nothing I have to worry about. No one is here to judge me, hurt me, or leave me. It's just me here and I can just be me. I can do as I please. This is the only time I'm really happy. When I'm alone and my music is blaring, making me forget the world.

'You were this happy with Blake and you threw it all away just because you were scarred' a voice screamed at me from the back of my mind. I shook my head to shut it up. 'Was I happy hanging out with him?' I ask myself. I shake away my thoughts again. "No he's gone I can't keep thinking of him," I tell myself.

I decide to just go take a long shower. Let the water trickle down my back washing away my mind, and scrubbing away my problems.

I walk into my connected bathroom. I turn the water on and let it get hot, not scolding, but enough to make a thick steam after being in for a while. I strip from my clothes and as I walk past my mirror I got a small glimpse of myself and stop. I look at my reflection in the mirror. Skinny. So skinny that I can almost count all my ribs, see the point of my hips, and a large gap between my thighs. Frail arms and legs lined with small cuts, none too deep because I didn't want anyone to find out. Bruises on my waist, chest, arms, legs, and back. I look up at my face. Even though I'm told I'm pretty or beautiful by some people, I don't feel pretty. I feel hideous.

My eyes burn and tears start rolling down my cheeks. I quickly look away from the figure mimicking me. I jump into the shower sitting on the smooth floor. Pulling my knees up to my chest, and burying my face into them. I let my tears mix with the hot water poring over me.

One moment I was happy the next I'm balling in the shower. I just can't catch an emotional break today.

When I'm finally able to calm down again I wash the makeup off my face, wash my hair and body, and shave.

I turn off the water and grab my towel. I dry off and rap it around me. Avoiding the mirror I walk into my room to get dressed.

When I am wearing my blue tank-top and black sweatpants I turn around to see the picture of me and my late dad sitting on my white dresser.

He was my best friend. He was so protective but so funny. He would do anything for me. I was his baby girl, his daddy's girl.

That was before he passed away. Before my mom broke apart and took her anger out on me with words. The bruises were from.... never mind

Anyway. I picked up our photo, smile, and kiss it. I miss him so much. He died almost five years ago. It still hurts just as much as it did back then, but I've accepted it.

With all the happy memories of my dad and I spinning in my head I smile to myself, climb into bed, and drift off into a nice deep sleep.

_______________________

***Writers Note***

Guys this story is fictional, so please don't judge me on it. I made it up. Jay and Blake are not based on anyone and these things have not happened to me. But I will say: yes I've lost a parent but It was my mom not dad, that is my only true connection to the story. Okay? Alright. Sorry I had to make sure that was clear to everyone. Thanks love y'all

Vote. Comment (please). Share.

💋Love T.B.H.💀