Getaway

022

Athena

"So, is he-". Paige asks me with a conflict look. So how do I confirm that this guy, where we just did some intimate things in public don't know each other. Its kinda hard. But I admit that I'm a little embarrased, because I just did some things that I would never do with any guy. My body accepts the accions that I did and my mind refuses to believe that Atlas is nothing more than a guy in my dream. But my cosciousness is telling to be alert, to not fully accept, that maybe he will do something bad towards me. 

"He is". Its the only thing that I have to say to answer her question. She only nods her head, not moving her body and looking at the her feet. 

"I'm happy you found someone who makes you feel something". I shook my head, trying to convince myself that what happened moments ago didn't make me feel comfort, not happy, just comfort because being near him brought a comforting feeling in me so big that consumed me. 

"No, he didn't make me feel anything". I refuse to believe that.

"Even in your dream?". Paige asks with a sly smile plasted on her face. I shook my head in response but, ugh, I hate when she is not wrong. Even in my dream, it felt good, having and experimenting new feelings I've never felt before. In that dream I got carried away, for me it didn't matter because it wasn't real so I was safe, making sure that he wasn't able to harm me in any way. Even if he was gentle, I couldn't stop the thoughts coming to my head. Filling me with ideas. 

"Okey, I believe you". Paige tried to hide her real face, showing her real emotionts from me by putting both of her hands in her mouth, covering it. 

"What? What's so funny?"

"The fact that you don't see how whipped he is"

"Are you for real now? We don't know each other, we are total strangers"

"Maybe, but it was clear in his eyes that you are important to him, even if you don't want to see it"

"Think whatever you want"

I start to move my gaze around me, watching the cars enter and leave in the parking lot and people leave with bags in their hands. We were on a bench sitting next to the front door. After what happened we left, well from the rush I was in to go out, it seemed like I was running. 

I can't stop the thoughts coming to my head, telling me to be with him, that he won't do anything, but another part of me is telling me to distance between us, that maybe he wants something from me, and that's why I can't act impulsive because I feel comfortable with him. 

I don't want to feel worthless again. Like I will bring problems to the people that are near me. I don't want that.

On one hand I want to open up and be able to talk to someone, to say my fears, my problems but I feel that nobody is going to want to listen to me or that when I say it they are going to fed up with me. That they might get tired of me, and that they might think that I do it for attention. So that's why I prefer to keep my things away from everyone and help people who needs help, doing that helps me, because it helps me forget my problems even for a short period of time.

"Cause I know you need some time alone, we are going home and then I will leave, okey?"

"Okey". I will always be so grateful for having her as my friend, even though she has her problems, she always tries to be there for me. And that's why I love her.

----

When I open the door of my home, I'm thrown to the ground by Grumpy, who positions himself on top of my belly, with his hind legs stretched out. To find some peace, I start to rub the back of his ears. He gives a little growl of approval.