Unknown

ill

Usually I wake up at 5 but this time I decided to rest a bit more I have a feeling it's gonna be a long day for me not sure why but the nervousness I've had as a kid has returned

I slept for two more hours but that gut feeling kept waking me up I should be happy and overjoyed because my girl stayed but it might be too good to be true

I just want to be free from all the pain and confusion I know what I want and I have a plan for us for all of us I know there's gonna be lots of bumps but...

My worst fear is to have kids with my beautiful girlfriend just to lose them in less than a second I want kids but not now not until I feel safe enough to protect them all

Since I've always been the one to take care of things it stuck by me and I won't stop until I know for certain that my family is safe if I lose them I lose myself

And that even includes Micheal I just hope I'm wrong about this feeling but I know for sure that I'll always have to protect my girl first she's my everything in life

It doesn't matter what she does to me, she can hurt me physically, mentally, verbally, physiologically, I don't care not one bit because I love her

Fuck she could cheat on me, betray me in the worst way possible and I could hate her but I would NEVER stop loving her and I'm stupid as fuck for that

I realize that I'm in a bad shape with her but if I can spend my desires with her then I'm the happiest I've ever been and I'm gonna take advantage of the time

I'll make every second count... I'm just scared I'm scared to wake up everyday knowing I had jobs to do and respect/loyalty to maintain in order to keep them safe

Everything I do is for them and sometimes they don't understand that they see me as a fucked up stone cold evil monster who is only worried about himself

A man with a bad past who can't let anyone in because of my issues and when Adria saw me for the real me... little me, how was I not supposed to fall in love?

Being alone my entire life without actually having parents who love you is the worst heartbreak anyone can have or when they don't love you... treating you like the black sheep

Even when you try your hardest to make them proud or even make them genuinely smile at you but they give you nothing but hell and suddenly out of the blue

Some stranger waltz's into your life and changes everything in a good way, this stranger chases your monsters away, they make you feel loved and appreciated

For once you can breathe it doesn't matter how little it can last but I still feel it and that will be my forever favorite memory as I said before it doesn't matter if she's mad at me

I'm enjoying the fact that she's wasting her time on me because she loves me and that's not common unless they're just trying to destroy everything about me

I just never gave anyone a chance to hurt me the way I'm giving her the chance, the amount of girls I've been with yeah there was probably a little quick connection

But NONE were like this one NONE and I had given up especially when I got that letter from Auset saying I was invited to her engagement party it hurt a bit