Unknown

Day 15

Dear munchkins

I don't think this letter's gonna be long considering I don't want to say goodbye through a letter, by this time you'll be in your 20's maybe a bit older hopefully I don't want you finding this any younger

I'm gonna tell you a bit about myself that you don't already know I was a bad guy for a long time and some will say I still am but they don't know my reasons to be good

Back then my reason was your mother and now it's all of you if I didn't care I would've ended my life long ago and none of you would be here, it's the truth

I wasn't expecting to have kids because of my past I wasn't prepared and sacred that Joe would creep up on me and possess me for some weird reason

Your mom got me into therapy a while ago and I guess you can say it helped well it did I sleep a lot better no nightmares or sleep paralysis I sleep like a baby

You know when you were a baby Sal I used to stare at you for hours watching you sleep, eat, babble, crawl, take your first steps and admiring you

I envied you because of your innocence and I won't lie to you there was a time where I felt horrible but before I confess, you may hate me for this cuz I do

I felt defeated because everything was going wrong on my end I went into your room... our room your grandma said it would be life changing for me it was

You were sleeping but I woke you up when I tumbled in the room, already being irritated I pulled out my gun and pointed it at you and I did pull the trigger

Thankfully there were no bullets, when you kept crying I broke down I blamed everyone and everything for taking my innocence/childhood away

You have no idea the regret and guilt I felt when I did that to you there's nothing that can make it seem better I'm deeply sorry my boy if I can change the past I WOULD

I've put both of you through a lot for not being present often there's still a lot to be done this is the best option because without me everything will be at peace

I love you both equally how may I not? you two are my first borns, my miracles, my saviors, my reminders of good in this thin exhaust unnatural world

Whatever you hear about your mother and I from strangers don't believe everything they say it's better not to know the truth let it be Unknown trust me

I don't wanna say too much so I'll say a few more things to end things cuz I'm going insane writing this to you guys it's not fair but it's life

My favorite color is green hint the money and weed yes I smoke weed, I love cotton candy ice cream and mint n chip, my favorite song is "Tell him"

I've had a motorcycle for years but lost my enjoyment to ride until I reunited with your mother speaking of God Damn I don't think I'd ever stop talking about her

She's my best friend/soulmate for sure, I hope you guys find your Aradia because damn we've come long ways together, we had you guys it's still mind blowing to me

Salvador is the name your mom wanted if we had a boy I want you to make me real proud and treat girls, ladies, women with respect NEVER lay a finger on one

If they hit you walk away, simply just pick right follow your gut and heart almost never your mind when you fall in love with someone for example

If you're in love but feel scared or insecure leave but if you feel secure and confident stay but I know you'll be a respectful gentlemen who everyone will love

Valkyrie is the name I wanted if we had a girl, there is a big hotel named Valkyrie and it's one of my favorite's... my little girl, my first born girl

I was scared of having you the most but after meeting you the fog in my mind and heart was clearing I'm still scared because it happened to your sister Yvette

My plan was to never have her die with me on the contrary I want her to realize that what happened to her will make her tougher she needed to not trust anyone

But don't worry she's gonna go somewhere special to where your mother and I have been before, she will be very well taken care of

I made sure of it before going into something I won't come out of, the same advice I gave to Sal goes for you too Val and I will give you the permission to beat each others bitch ass significant others

IF NEEDED don't be reckless don't be me please I beg you DON'T BE ME also don't worry about Mark I'll handle his ass cuz he is me and that's a no no

Anyway NO drugs alright? don't give your mom a hard time she's already been through some shit and is still going through things so please treat her fairly

I won't tell you what happened to her until she tells you DO NOT pressure her into telling you anything try to understand her it wasn't easy living with me

I am still very much in love with your mom so love her more than I have please take good care of her and each other I love you guys with all my heart

Sincerely Dad