Always Almost Alone

Are We Normal

~This will have trauma mentions and basically a lot of what's been going on in previous chapters. This will be a fairly wholesome chapter, but everything I've previously mentioned will be mentioned or foretold. Please be careful and stop if it's too much for you, and take care of yourself. Drink water, and don't forget to sleep. Your life can spare a few hours to sleep.

Jess

He didn't ask me about it anymore. No one did. Bree still wasn't talking to me, but Devyn, Cam and I still ate lunch like usual. They wondered what happened to Bree, but didn't push much. Everything was oddly... normal.

Ms. Taoug still wasn't talking to me. When I got home I'd find her sobbing on the couch, or out. I had stopped hurting myself. The only thing that was still bothering me was my inability to eat. Well, that, and pretty boy wasn't talking to me. Everything was so normal, that he went back to ignoring my existence.

I guess he had enough of me. Enough of my drama. Same with Bree. I just wanted everything to go back to what it was. Before my suspension. Before everyone started hating me. Before I started puking whenever I ate.

"Jess, Devyn asked you a question." Cam shoves me lightly out of my thoughts. I blink at her. I didn't like it when she touched me so casually.

"Sorry, Dev. What did you say?" I turn to where she was eating her sandwich.

She swallows. "Yeah. Are you busy this weekend? My mom wanted to invite you guys on a trip to a hotel. She lets me and my friends stay at a hotel for a weekend sometimes." She sighs. "Ideally Bree would come as well, but I guess she's been busy?"

"Bree's not talking to me," I say quickly. "I'm a bad influence on her."

"Are those words quoted from her? Sounds like something Bree would say." Cam braids her hair over her shoulder.

"Yep. Me punching someone was the deal breaker for her."

"Weak." Devyn huffs. "Anyway, I thought you might want to get away from your mom as much as possible, so I thought you'd appreciate it."

"It would be amazing, Dev." I run my Han through my hair. "I just wish Bree could be there."

Dev chuckles nervously. "Good, because my mom already ordered the room and stuff. She already promised for there to be four people."

"What?"

"Yeah, so we need to convince Bree to come."

I bury my face in my arms. "She hates me."

Cam puts her arm on my shoulder. "She doesn't hate you."

I brush her arm off me. "Yes she does."

"Well all you have to do is convince her not to hate you." Dev shrugs. "How hard can it be?"

***

I sit next to Bree softly. We had calculus together, but she normally just ignored me and sat by herself. She glances at me briefly before turning towards the front again. I ignore her. This was going to be impossible. She had her hair in box braids now, and she used the waist-long braids to hide her face from me.

"Bree."

"What do you want, Jess."

"What are you so mad about? I miss you."

"Don't answer my question with a question."

"Fine. I'm here because I want to know why you're mad at me, and fix it. Devyn said her mom booked a hotel trip for the four of us already, and I really want you to go."

"Can't you find someone else. You punched a kid!"

"Are you this mad because I punched a kid?"

Ms. Downing clears her throat from the front of the classroom. "If you two are having some troubles, you might want to leave the class instead of disrupting the class."

"Thanks, Miss. We'll be leaving now." I pull Bree up from her desk and out the door.

"Hey, Jess! I need to pay attention to class!"

"And I need to talk you into being my friend again. I miss you."

"Why? Why do you want to be my friend. You convinced me to dye my hair, you made it so that I trusted and hung out with you guys. You had me wear things my mom wouldn't allow, and for what? So you can be my friend? What does that even mean to you. What do you want from me!"

I stand in stunned silence. "Bree, I'm sorry-"

"No, I get it. I was to honest for you, so you needed to change me. I really never did anything like that before you guys. You are my first friends and-" She gasps for air, hands shaking. 

"Bree please listen-"

"No, Jess. You listen to me. If you're my friend, you can't just leave me. You can't just find a better friend and ditch me to share his suspension."

"What?" I was honestly confused.

"You left me for Connor! Is he more important? More popular? I want you to be my friend. My friend." She is still shaking. "Ah fuck, I need some air."

She starts to walk away, but I grab her wrist. "I didn't choose him over you. I would never choose him over you."

"You-" She looks back at me, hopefully. "You wouldn't?"

"Of course not! Bree, I only joined him because Thomas was being a dick and I needed to punch him."

She giggles. "Thomas is kind of a bitch, isn't he?"

"He is a total ass." I laugh with her. 

She wraps her arm around mine. "I really missed you Jess."

"I know. I missed you too." I pat her head softly. "I would never leave you for anyone, okay?"

"Never? Not even Devyn?"

"Not even Devyn. Bree, you're my best friend." I stop patting her head, and cup her chin in my hands. "You're my best friend. You know that, right?"

She smiles softly. "Yeah, I know."

"I love you, Bree."

"I love you too Jess."

"So, are we okay?"

"Yeah," She laughs. "Tell Devyn I'm coming."

I hug her, and smile brightly. I loved Bree. I loved her so much.

~I couldn't live a life without Bree, I'm sorry. I had to make them patch things up. I struggle with a lot of what Bree was talking about, how she thinks she's not valued, so it's really important to portray it in stories and books. It's a really popular problem that causes a lot of self doubt and depression. Please be careful my loves, and love yourself and others.

~Ciao!

~Elle <33