Always Almost Alone

Alone At The Party

~I will not write, I repeat, I will not write smut. This is going to have some implied things.. but I will not write any smut. Give me a break I'm human. Take care of yourselves, my loves. Make sure to eat and drink water.

Jess

A small table holds random drinks, and what looked like cocaine. I had run out of my drinks a long time ago, and was too tired to go back to the main room and poor myself one. I pick up a random drink and take a long swig from it.

"Fuck." I run my hand through my hair, grinning. It was most definitely spiked with something. 

I stumbled over to the wall, smiling despite myself. I hadn't gone to a party where I didn't have to drive home from for a while. It was great, getting waisted for the fun of it. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and took a picture of everyone jumping around. I then posted it to my instagram, smiling as I put in the caption. 'I don't know where the fuck I am, probably somewhere in Oregon, but it's fucking fun here!'

I didn't care if it was cringy. I saw a text on my phone and frowned. It was like two, who would be texting me? I checked the text, seeing the name. Pretty Fuck. Who did I put as Pretty Fuck? I really couldn't remember. 

The text was too bright against the dim light of the room. It hurt to read. He spammed me with four messages in a row.

Why did I just see you climb out of a tree?

Oh god your mom is yelling.

Wait, is that YOUR car?

Where the fuck are you? It's like 2 and you aren't back yet.

"Hey, what're you doing?" Someone came up behind me, and slid a hand underneath my hoodie.

I turned off my phone quickly, and shoved it in my pocket. I turned around to see Keith standing behind me with a drunken smile. I sloppily placed a kiss on his lips. 

"Nothing. Someone texted me."

"From Idaho?" He frowns. 

"Yeah. I kinda just left on an impulse." I take a long drink from my cup. "It's a random guy from my school."

"Anyone special?" He asks nervously. "I don't wanna ruin any relationships."

"No." I scoff. "He's the straightest, bitchiest guy there is."

Keith nods happily. "Then... are we okay?"

"Is there an open room?" I could tell I was drunk. Really drunk. Drunk enough to fuck a man, when I'm straight as pretty boy. 

He leads me up the stairs, grinning back at me. We open a room. It's thankfully empty. He locks the door behind us, and leads me to the bed.

"You're really pretty, Jess." He mutters, kissing my forehead softly. "There are little guys as pretty as you."

I study him closely for a bit. He had light skin, with dark brown hair and eyes. The underside of his hair was bleached blonde. He looked strong, in a way that was still lean. Freckles dotted under his eyes and nose. He had long eyelashes and plump, soft lips.

"Says the walking model." I respond, kissing his soft lips. They felt like fucking candy to me, so edible and I always wanted more. "I am really glad you're gay."

He laughs, and it sounds so sickeningly sweet to my drunk ears. "I'm really glad you're gay enough to fuck me."

He kisses my neck, then helps me take my hoodie off. He stares at my scars. I suddenly want to cover up, but he just kisses along the white lines. No anger in his eyes, just lust and hunger. I suddenly got scared. What if I wasn't good enough? I never had to worry about that with girls, but I was scared.

He takes off his shirt, showing his beautifully tanned stomach and freckle covered shoulders. He has soft abs, and a giant abstract shark tattoo on his left side of his ribs. I trace my fingers across his tattoo as he covers me in kisses.

He was so beautiful.

So, so beautiful.

I was less scared.

***

I woke up in a truck that wasn't mine, sleeping closely to a boy that I didn't recognize. My head hurt like hell. I sat up, and groaned. Memories hit me like mini buses. Keith. I had fucked Keith. More like... he had fucked me. 

I had bottomed?

I wasn't gay. I couldn't remember anything past when he led me upstairs, but knew it had happened. I had fucked with a guy. I groan again as a new wave of pain hits my head. Keith pulled me in closer to him, still closing his eyes.

"What the fuck time is it?" He grumbled, laying his head in my lap. I wasn't gay. Shit. 

"Uh," I say uncomfortably. I check my phone, which was almost dead. "It's 9."

"Shit!" He jolts up, staring at me. "Wait... Jess?"

I half smile. "The only."

He massages his temples. "School stared thirty minutes ago. My history teacher is going to kill me."

"Aw fuck, I need to drive back to Idaho." I blink harshly. "I really don't want to."

"It's okay, at least you have some nice memories from Oregon!" He grins wickedly, and places a kiss on my forehead. "This is my car, do you want me to drop you off by the gas station?"

"Sure." I stand up shakily, getting into the passengers seat. 

I checked my phone as we drove. I had five new texts from pretty boy.

You're ignoring me, aren't you.

School started ten minutes ago.

Where are you?

Your friends are worried.

We saw your post on instagram. You can't leave me to do the whole project. Get your ass back here.

I groaned unintentionally. 

"What's up, Jess?"

"The straight bitch from my school is bothering me about the project we have to work on." I sigh heavily. "And he saw my post on instagram. He knows that I'm in Oregon."

"Oh god." He laughs at me.

"Why are you laughing at me?" I cross my arms and frown. "He's being an ass."

"Yeah, but you were the dumbass that posted that you are in Oregon." He drives into the gas station driveway, parking next to my flower covered car.

I nod, now sad. I had to leave him now. "My mom also called me like twenty times."

He laughs again. "Twenty?"

"Twenty. Half of them at one in the morning."

He smiles, staring into my eyes. "I'll miss you, Jess."

"I'll miss you too. It's weird-"

"No, not really." He sucks a breath in deeply. "Bye Jess."

"Bye, Keith."

I get out of his car and into mine. I start the engine and pull out. I park just outside of that town and pull out my razors.

I pull up my sleeve and cut my arm.

Once.

Shallowly.

Then I pulled my car back onto the road, locked my box back up, and drove the long way home. I didn't want to go back. Oddly... I would miss Keith. He was new. He was different. I didn't quite understand it, but I was glad I met him.

~Omg, okay. There's little I want to say right now. I hope you enjoyed!

~Ciao!

~Elle <33