A Bloody Crown

Chapter 19: Flying

"What?" Feyre asked, eyebrows knitted.

I shook my head, trying to recount back the days. "Briallyn told me an informant told them there would be a meeting at Lord Nolan's. They assigned it to me to handle because he is underneath my control. I can't help but wonder if Jurian intended for us to be together."

Her head tilted, looking out over Velaris again. "Do you control the human armies?"

"Yes."

"Then I would say yes, he did. Jurian is many things but.. he is no fool. He knows we do not have near the numbers to take Hybern, especially not if the human lands join him." Her voice was tense, filled with worry for not only her family, but her people. Her way of life.

I clicked my tongue, thinking back to my meeting with Tamlin. "Do you know the High Lord of Spring?"

She snorted, looking to me, then back at the city lights below. "You could say that."

"He gave me numbers on your armies and Hybern's armies. The difference was.. substantial, Feyre. There's a possibility that even with mine, we won't win." She shook her head, not willing to listen. "Have you gotten the other Courts to join?"

"Most, yes. The other Time Courts are our strongest allies, though Winter and Summer are in as well." She sighed, rubbing her forehead. "Is Tamlin with Hybern for certain?"

Looking up towards the skies, then back to her, I replied, "I don't know."

"Neither do I."

She turned around, looking into the same windows I looked through while on the flight. The other four were laughing, save Azriel who mused quietly in a corner, and drinking. Likely enjoying the last solid moment of family they would have.

"Go in there," I whispered. "Savor that."

With a slight frown, she replied, "You could come too. Have us as family, if you want. We were close enough at one point."

"I'm alright. Retrieve me when you're ready for negotiations," was my only reply.

Respecting my wishes, she nodded, and returned inside. I remained out on the balcony, gazing up at the stars, wishing to touch them, to fly between them, to know what it's like to be out of the world.

Longingly, I thought back to that shadow realm I dreamt of once, a complete sensory deprivation. 

Though, it was silent enough out here. Just enough lights to illuminate the streets, but plenty of stars to guide you home.

Home, I thought. What is home?

People. Right?

Nesta is in there somewhere. In the House. But I was afraid to approach her, afraid of the awkwardness, of not knowing what to say.

Sighing, I lowered my head onto my palm, propped up by my elbow on the railing. I've got to go home after this, run a kingdom. I have a meeting tomorrow, with the Lords.

A status report over training progression for the war. Which regiments were working and which weren't. All I knew, I was miserable during the one I chose for our section, so it had to be working, right? In truth, I didn't much know how to train an army. My father let me sit in on meetings and train, but I never was allowed to make decisions.

Above him in principle, never in practice.

The sound of a floorboard popping behind me snagged my attention, causing me to turn my head slightly. The door opened, Rhysand stepping through it.

"You're being retrieved," he said, his voice much kinder now than earlier.

I turned around, looking directly at him. He was relaxed, loving almost. With a nod, I walked inside, trying to ignore the immediate overload of sights, sounds, and smells.