A Bloody Crown

Chapter 36: Everything & Nothing

I fell. Freefalling.

As far as I could go, and yet, nowhere.

I was time. And the absence of progress.

Everywhere and nowhere.

Everything and nothing, all at once.

How could I be the universe and not exist?

I fell through time and space, galaxies and universes, planets and moons. I saw the world, saw its creation, saw its ending.

I saw my fate, Feyre's fate, Azriel's fate. Rhysand's, Mor's, and Cassian's. 

I saw our deaths, children, mates, futures, and somehow, births. 

It was a surge of power, one that allowed me to see everything. The Cauldron was opening itself to me, giving me power.

Allowing me to take it, feel it, transform it into what I needed, what I wanted.

No more destruction, I begged. Let me help. I've seen enough bloodshed for a lifetime.

There will be more, much more, it said. More that you will face, Aelfrun Imelda Ashford.

Then give me the tools to fix it, to fight it.

What makes you think I care for this world?

I paused. Because you created it- why would you create something you had no love for?

Even the Cauldron paused at that. If I give you the power to heal, to fix, to nourish.. how will you give back to me?

What do you want?

A soul. Freedom.

How? I thought you already lived in Nesta and Elain-

Pieces of me, yes, yes. But wholly, completely alive.

I paused again, still uncertain. I don't understand.

A rumble of displeasure at my ignorance. When you see me for the final time, Aelfrun, I will take your soul. And I will use it to be free. To take form. Do you accept?

I.. 

Now, child.

Yes. I accept.

I felt my world shift, even in the land between lands. The space between the stars. Pieces of me shifted, fell into place, connecting and reworking in ways I didn't know possible.

My body shifted, changed into something permanent, something undying. Unbreakable.

But then, I felt a hand on my shoulder, and somehow, I knew who it was. He had no form, no face, no voice. But I knew he was asking me to come home.

Home, to Velaris, he meant.

Not the human lands, for there was none of that left in me. The Cauldron had taken it. Taken every last piece that wasn't strong.

But I nodded, yes, I'll go home. 

I have a world to help.

Rhysand smiled at me, though I could see no smile. And somehow, he knew I smiled in return.

* * *

My lungs filled with fluid, drenching me inside and out, chilling me to the bone. I felt two hands grab my arms, pulling me out, allowing me to collapse onto the ground. Solid ground.

I began vomiting, throwing up every ounce of liquid, learning to breathe air again. Wheezing and coughing, I grabbed onto a hand and stood, the voices around me still muffled, muted.