Worst In Me N.S.

Ch.23 Old Thoughts

AJ

We are currently driving to Ohio for the next concert. Noah has been extremely protective with me since I ended up back in the ER. The guys have been giving me my space. Taylor has been working on schoolwork and trying to make sure I'm doing okay as well. I know that Noah wants to know what the hell Fenton's deal is, but I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it.

Fenton was physically, mentally, verbally, and emotionally abusive for almost two years. He made me hate everything about my life. I hate my body image. I hate my voice. I hate my hair and my eyes. I hate everything about me because of what he did to me.

"Baby" Noah says, knocking me out of my trance.

I look over at him then realize everyone is staring at me.

"Shit sorry. Were you guys talking to me?" I ask.

"We asked if you were okay" Jolly asks, his arm around Taylor.

Taylor gives me a sympathetic look. She's the only one besides Aiden who knows everything about Fenton.

"Yea. Just tired" I say.

I take Kingsley's leash and go into the bunk area. I close the curtain and sit on my bed with my head in my hands. Kingsley puts her head into my lap and whimpers at me.

"How do I tell him Kings?" I ask her.

"Tell me what?" Noah says, coming into the bunks.

He sits next to me on my bunk and Kingsley lays across our feet.

"The truth about Fenton" I say.

He wraps an arm around my waist.

"I didn't want to bring it up, but he sent you into an actual seizure. Why are you so afraid of him?" he asks.

I sigh and turn to him.

"Fenton Cordero is a US Marine stationed in Jacksonville, North Carolina. He and I met through his ex-girlfriend. Right off the bat we kept breaking up and getting back together. Our exes trying to ruin our relationship. We were long distance for most of it. We even met the weekend of my birthday, and it was a great trip. Then my ex-boyfriend Joseph texted me. We talked and caught up. I told him all about Fenton and he had asked if we could meet up to talk. I talked to Fenton about it who told me he was okay with it because he trusted me. I went with a girlfriend of mine to go see him. His roommate was even there as well. It went well and I went home. Well after about two days, Fenton's friends had convinced him I was probably cheating on him with Joseph which was not the case. He dumped me and I went to Joseph for comfort. For the first week, it was strictly comfort. The second was not. We started sleeping together. But I knew I was still in love with Fenton, and I had been lying to Fenton about what I'd been doing with Joseph. I ended things with Joseph because I still loved Fenton. The night I went home, I told Fenton everything and it was extremely rough for us. But since then, though, he would constantly want to know where I was. Constantly ask if I was with Joseph if I wasn't responding to him because I was at work. My first trip to see him after all of it, Fenton put hands on me and as much as I wanted to leave him, I was still so madly in love with him. I had blocked Joseph on literally everything to prove to Fenton that I wanted him. Things were okay for the most part except for the times he came home. He'd always hit me and tell me it was because he loved me. Then in December we got into this HUGE fight about my best guy friend at the time. He texted me and Fenton blew up at me. He kept wailing on me until I couldn't move. We slept in separate rooms, and he apologized the next morning. Then in January when I was home seeing my family, he told me he had to call one of his exes because she tried to off herself. He promised me he wouldn't fall asleep on the phone with her and that he'd call me. He didn't call me until 5am to tell me he fell asleep on the phone with her. I ended things the next morning and moved back home but from then until after basic, he made it so I couldn't be with anyone else. That was until I met Aiden. I told Aiden everything and he hates Fenton because of it" I finally get to explain.

I look over and see Noah's fists tightening.

"I had no life. Couldn't even work. When my best friend and dog passed in the same week, he told me to get the fuck over it but when his best friend passed away, I had to be there for him no matter what. I admitted to my mistakes, but he still blames me. He doesn't own up to it. He still says it never happened. He ruined basic training for me. He ruined my life. He is still trying to ruin my fucking life Noah" I say, starting to cry.

He just hugs me tightly as I sob into his chest.

2 exes explained. 4 more to go.

–

Noah

She stayed in bed all day as we drove. I let her rest because the doctor said to.

"Is she going to be, okay?" Nicholas asks.

Taylor looks at me. She knew that AJ had told me everything about Fenton.

"She needs to rest. She's had a rough few days. She needs time to cope with what she told Noah today" Taylor says.

Nicholas goes quiet as Miles comes out of the back.

"She's asleep right now with Kingsley lying next to her. She's probably gonna sleep through the night" Miles says.

"What happened?" Nick asks.

I go silent. I don't know if she wants her business out there. Although I know she trusts the band. But it's her past not mine.

"Someone from her past. The guy who fucked up the show the other night" Taylor says.

"I still entirely understand what happened," Nick says.

"He broke her. She's afraid of him and he completely ruined her life. Seeing him and hearing him say what he was saying about her caused her to go into a seizure" I explain, annoyed because I just want it to get dropped.

Nick takes the hint and goes quiet.

–

No One

She slept all through the night.

Taylor is worried about her best friend while Noah is worried about his girlfriend. The band was worried about their band mate since they don't really know what's going on or how to help her. Kingsley proceeded to whimper most of the night, worried about her human.

It's now midnight. They finally made it to Ohio a few hours ago and are currently parked behind the venue they'll be playing at the next day.

She finally wakes up but to a dark bus and her bandmates, best friend, and manager snoring around her. She looks over to see Kingsley sound asleep next to her. She carefully slips out of the bunk and goes into the main area of the bus.

She sits on the couch and looks out at the city behind the venue. She couldn't help but feel like she's ruining Taylor and Noah's lives. Like they have someone who is in constant need of medical attention. For fuck sakes, she was given a service dog because of how disabled she is. She begins to cry softly as she begins to feel and think things she doesn't want to think and feel.

She hates how much Noah has had to endure because of her. The hate from fans that he receives. The amount of times he's had to help her during her pass out spells. They didn't even get to do their concert because of her going to the hospital and many fans are pissed at her for it.

She begins to feel as if the world would be better off without her.

(Most of what happened with Fenton in this story happened to me in real life. He was physically abusive but never towards me. It was always to walls, countertops, he'd throw things. I was deeply afraid of him)

Song: Enough, Enough Now by Bad Omens