Future of the mockingjay

Chapter twenty: Familiar

I had convinced myself that I would forget my past, I promised to leave it behind at the gate. But a promise like that is hard to keep, especially when your past isn't quite ready to leave you.

I run through the forest, my long braid whipping out behind me. My father's leather boots send leaves and dirt flying as I zip through the trees. In my hand is my bow, but I'm not ready to use it yet. There is something more important I have to do first.

The forest is like a maze, delicately twisted and merged so that it's an entirely different world altogether. But I am part of this maze, and I can navigate around it as easily as it takes for me to cross my kitchen.

I don't know why I have to go to that familiar rocky ledge every time I visit the forest. It's like something magnetic pulls me in, and I can't resist it. I guess you could say that it's because of the magnificent view, and that isn't wrong at all. I guess you could say that it's a place where I can think, and that definitely isn't wrong either.

I guess you could say that I go there when I want to be alone. Well, it's funny, because if you said that, you would be completely wrong.

In fact, I go there when I want to be the opposite of alone. I go there when I want someone to be with. I go there when I need my best friend.

Gale and I haven't talked since our last meeting. And, as I remember all too clearly, that didn't go the way I planned.

But I can never be mad at Gale. Never. I should feel betrayed, because he left me without a goodbye. I should feel neglected, because he never made an effort to contact me. I should feel hurt, because he could've had a part in killing Prim.

But Gale was there for me from the start. I fell in love with him, and then I fell in love with Peeta. But I always knew that there was still a part of me that belonged to Gale. There was always that part of me that longed for the old days, as horrible as that may sound.

And when I was at that rocky ledge, Gale was there with me.

I could hear his laughter; I could see his face; I could smell his smell. I know that no matter how hard I try, I could never stay mad at Gale, and I could never forget him.

That's why I come to the ledge. Because that's the one place where I can really believe that he never really left me in the first place.

Which brings me back to my point about my past not ready to leave me alone yet. As I grew nearer to the ledge, I realized with shock that there was something even more familiar standing there.