Our Soul Divided

19| Moving Day

Stetson

I have my backpack stuffed with extra food and other essentials including a blanket and my box of knick-knacks. I don't know where we're going, but we have to get away from here. We've just destroyed a whole group of Red Suits, and since Dorian is not going to be returning to them, they'll be looking for all three of us now.

Dorian.

Why didn't he tell me? Rain has been one of the closest people to me in all this mess. She used to be close to him. How could he hurt her? The anger still bubbles out of me every time I try to speak.

I catch a stray lock of Athena's hair as she finishes zipping up her own pack. "Are you okay?"

She nods at me with a sad smile. I can see it in her face; she's being torn in two different directions right now. She wants to be with Dorian. She missed him. Hell, I did too. But I don't know what to do with this new information. I can never just grieve in peace.

But she's been by my side since he announced it to the bunker, and my chest tightens every time I think of it. I know he likely has something to do with it, and I know that hurts him too.

We're all hurting, we've all been hurting for years. And I can't make it stop. How do I make it stop? When will people stop dying or disappearing? I don't know how much more I can take.

Dorian walks into the room and I can't look at him. I grab my bag and brush Athena's shoulder as I leave the room.

As I walk into the main living area of the bunker, people are lining up with their own bags. Everyone is leaving but only some will follow us. Dorian made it clear that they would be putting themselves in danger if they did.

Ryder finds me in seconds with his pack strapped to his back. "Are you two going to be okay?"

"I don't know," I clench my teeth together and sigh, "Yes, but not right now."

He drops his gaze to the floor, "I blamed her. I didn't mean to, it just sort of came out..."

"Athena? What for?" I'm sure the confusion is evident on my face.

"The night of the bonfire... she tried to leave. To go find you. And I wouldn't let her. And I said..." Ryder presses his lips into a thin line.

"What, Ryder? You said what?" I drop my bag next to my feet.

"I told her that it was her fault. That all you ever did was... was worry about her. Dorian too."

I scoff, "Are you kidding me? Why would you say that to her? She has enough on her shoulders and you–"

"I'm sorry, Stetson. I was hurt, and it's always all about her. Dorian got himself–well we thought he got himself killed over her. And you–"

"I would do the same," I cut him off. "I would die for her, and so would he. I would die for him too." I point behind me to my old room as I shake with frustration.

"Why? I mean–I know why. I guess... I guess I just wish someone loved me like that," Ryder mumbles.

"Oh, Ry..." My hands drop to my sides. And I scrub my hand over my stubble. "I would die for you too, kiddo. But I know that's not what you meant." I pull him into my arms and hug him tightly as he slumps into my arms. "We what we have is... it's rare. I won't promise that you'll find that. Because I never thought I would, at one time, and then it was ripped from me. But..." I pull him at arm's length and look him in his light blue eyes. "You will find someone... when this is all over. You're still young. Hell, so am I. You still have time."

"I'm sorry," he mumbles to the floor.

"Look at me," I request and his eyes flick to mine. "I love you, kiddo. We're gonna be okay."