'Til Death - Chris Motionless Love Story

Chapter Twenty-Six - Things That Could Have Been (Finale)

*TRIGGER WARNING: DISCUSSION OF MISCARRIAGE*
SALEM'S POV
Chris and I anxiously waited on the doctor to come in, both of our legs shaking rapidly. His hand was gripping mine tightly, and also getting rather clammy. The silence was deafening, but no worse than the silence that was on the ultrasound when the doctor started it. Chris looked down, avoiding eye contact so no one could tell he was tearing up. My eyes began to burn as the lump in my throat formed.

"I'm so sorry, Ms. Alastair, Mr. Cerulli. I know this is hard to go through. We have resources for both of you, counselors you can see. I assume the funeral home of choice will be your own," after awhile of listening to the doctor speak I zoned out, not wanting to hear anymore, not even wanting to be there anymore. I wanted to lay down, I wanted to curl up in a ball so tight that I'd physically just disappear.
When Chris and I got home he pulled me into his tight and warm embrace, his hand was in my hair. I thought I had myself pulled together, but the moment I head Chris crying I broke down. It made me feel horrible. I know he wanted this so bad, and now I can't give it to him. Thoughts raced through my mind. Would he even want me around after this? Was he only keeping me around because he wanted a family? What was going to happen now?
Chris remained silent for the next few days, with very little kisses and hugs. He had, however, urged me to stay home so I could have a bit of a break from everything. What my mind told me, though, was that he didn't want to see me. That I reminded him of pain, that I was a failure, that he never loved me. Usually I could shake the thoughts by reassuring myself he does care, but he really hadn't shown it lately. Dinners were quiet, nights were without cuddling, mornings were without morning kisses. Maybe he was depressed? All of this went through my mind as I worked on a new painting, only I hated it. Nothing was right with it. I took a deep sigh and walked out to the kitchen to wash my hands. Chris was sitting at the bar scrolling on his phone. I didn't even know he was home, honestly. I washed the pain off my hands, then went and wrapped my arms around him from behind. He stiffened, and felt cold.

"Do you have paint on your hands? It's a new suit," Chris' words were sharp. I took my hands off of him, and shook my head then scoffed. I started walking towards the bedroom and saw him stand up out of the corner of my eye. "What's your problem, Salem? I just didn't want paint on my suit." He couldn't see the problem? He couldn't see us falling apart right in front of him? I turned to face him, and tried to think of what to say, but I was speechless. He ran his hands through his hair out of frustration.

"Do you want me to go back home?" The question pained me to ask, and Chris looked at me like I was crazy.

"Wh-what?" He acted as if he was caught off guard.

"I think I'm going to go home to Texas for awhile, give you time to figure out what you want," I quietly said. His eyes went wide.

"No, Salem, don't do this-"

"Chris, you've been cold since that day. You've acted like you're the only one who went through this loss, but you're not. I hurt, too." He took a step closer to me.

"Well, I'm the one that wanted this! You didn't even want it!" Wow. I took a step back from him and crossed my arms. I could immediately see the regret on his face, but it was too late. The words had been said, and they hung in the air. "Salem, I-I didn't mean it-" Chris tried to back track, but I wouldn't let him. Instead, I went to the room and slammed the door. My next steps were going to hurt like hell, but I know when I'm not wanted. I pulled my bags down and threw my clothes in them, then my makeup and hair stuff. I hesitated for a moment as I thought about it. Am I really running again? Of course I am, he doesn't want me around. Right?
Chris stood with me at the gate at the airport, waiting for them to announce boarding. He shifted anxiously, checking his watch every five seconds just about.

"Salem, are you sure you want to do this? Leave this, leave us, behind?" Chris' eyes started to turn red and water. I looked down at my black boots to avoid his gaze. I knew if I let it happen he'd pull me back in. I needed to do this. I needed a normal life. They announced my boarding group and I grabbed my bags and made my way forward, leaving Chris behind me. "Salem!" I heard him shout. I turned to look back at the mess of a man I was leaving. He was clutching my jacket in his hands. I went to take it from him, but he wouldn't release his grip.

"Chris, let it go-"

"Please, please," he begged, "just stay, stay with me. I love you, Salem." I grabbed my jacket from him softly, then placed a kiss on his cheek.

"Goodbye, Christopher."