'Til Death - Chris Motionless Love Story

Chapter Eleven - Fix Your Shit, Christopher

CHRIS' POV
"Chris, it's 10:30pm and you are sitting on my couch with a look that says 'I fucked up majorly'. What did you do?" Pete asked as he handed me some coffee. After Salem had harshly decided that she wanted nothing to do with me I went straight to him. I mean, he knew her best. He had known her since she 18 years old when she started in the business. I had just barely missed her. After Lilith's passing I came out to Texas to train and go through school. The same funeral home Lilith was trained at. It's strange how things work out sometimes.

"I did fuck up," I admitted, "it's bad. I really thought I wanted to move on, I thought I was ready. Pete, it's been five years. It's been five years since I lost her. I'm lonely. I finally find a girl that I'm so comfortable with, I mean, I fucked her on my desk. I've crossed all of my boundaries for her."

"Chris, listen, I knew Lilith. I knew her for a long time, and you did too, but but if you know her like I do then you know she wants you to move on. She wouldn't want this for you. You deserve happiness. Stop holding yourself accountable for her passing. There was nothing you could have done. You protected her the best you could. I know this isn't about Lilith. You are terrified that you won't be able to protect Salem. You are afraid of losing someone again. Chris, you have to let this go. You have to accept that there was nothing you could have done." It was the harsh truth. Lilith's death wasn't my fault, and she would want me to find happiness again.

"I just miss her so much." I leaned back on the couch and ran my hands through my hair. Pete placed his hand on my shoulder.

"I do, too, Chris. We all miss her. But she wants you to move on. I promise. Now, what the fuck did you do to Salem?" He was going to think I'm a horrible person.

"I made her feel shitty. I made her feel used, and I didn't even mean to. I also may have forgotten a teeny tiny little detail when telling her about myself," Pete raised an eyebrow at me, "I didn't tell her about the band."

"You didn't fucking tell her!? How did she find out?"

"The guy she was hanging out with blurted it out. I'm a horrible guy. I've kept so much from her. She's never going to trust me." I was a bit of a panicked mess, and Pete was trying to contain himself. He was floored.

"No, Chris, you're not horrible. You're just a little... bent. This is okay, this is fixable. I'll get y'all booked for a nice dinner, y'all can talk this out. I really think you can. I'm rooting for you two. Just as much as I did you and Lilith. Now, do you wanna try and date any of my other past students? You good with this one?"

"So long as this one doesn't die, yes, I'm good."

"Good, now go fix your mess. I'm booking y'all for a local steak house. I will warn you, it's pretty steep in price."

"Nothing is too expensive for her. A night with her is absolutely priceless to me." She held all the stars and moon to me, and somehow grabbed a choke hold on my soul. I looked at the time on my watch, and noticed it was far too late to track her down and knock on the door, so I went back to the hotel room. It was cold, and lonely. This had not gone as planned. I was supposed to comfort her, make my official move, make sure she was okay. Maybe I'd meet her parents even. Fuck, if Lilith could talk to me and give me advice she'd probably tell me to stop moping and being a piece of shit, and maybe that I shouldn't have called Salem a bitch. Fuck, I wish I could take those words back. I crawled into the bed that Salem had slept in, and where I had devoured her earlier. It felt cooler without her in it, but her scent danced around me. The sweet scent of her Versace Yellow Diamond perfume... Mmmm... that's what would get me through the night.
I awoke the next morning to a text from Pete requesting that I come into the funeral home to help assist with the funeral. Gleefully I agreed, knowing I'd see Salem there. The windchill was horrible so I pulled on my black wool coat over my suit and headed out of the hotel. I was hopeful that maybe tomorrow I'd be able to check out head back to Scranton with Salem, but everything on the radio was saying otherwise.

"We're lucky they're letting us bury today with how cold it is." Pete stated as we headed to the cemetery. I stayed consumed in my thoughts, focusing on what to say to Salem exactly. Peter finally pulled up to the graveside and put the coach in park. He took a deep sigh, looking over at me. "Chris, I think of you almost like a son, and what I would tell my son is that you need to fix this. I know Salem will stick around to watch it go down, they'll let her because she's technically with us. After that casket is lowered you need to fix this. She's going to need you, Chris. Salem actually loved that man in that casket, and I tell you what, he loved her wholeheartedly." He was right. I knew she loved him, but couldn't stay with him. The love wasn't equal on both sides. Her love was more platonic, like a good friend. She had explained it before.
Salem sat in the very back, a large brim black hat and large black sunglasses, a black floor length dress that hugged her body just perfectly. Something was different, though... something I couldn't put my fing- oh my god, she dyed her hair. Her bleach blonde hair was now as dark as night. She looked sexier, no, not sexy, beautiful. She looked beautiful. I practically gawked at her the whole time. Luckily everyone left pretty soon after the pastor finished, and Salem walked up to us. Her glasses covered her face, but I could see the tears covering her face. It always hurt me to see her cry, but this especially hurt. Pete gave her a tight hug, then she looked over to me. There was a bit of hesitancy, but she finally gave in and collapsed into my arms. I let a few tears fall. It reminded me of when I had lost Lilith. I was a wreck. I held Salem tight to my chest and kissed the top of her head as she bawled. Her hands were pressed firmly against my back.

"I'm so so sorry, Salem. I promise, it will be okay." I assured her. Her sobs stopped and she sniffled a little, then pulled back to face me.

"No, Chris, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten upset with you. I know you don't want anything more with me, I just didn't want to accept it I guess." The words that came out if her mouth hurt. I did want more, I wanted way more, but I held myself back every single time. I had to be sure to fix this before anything else could happen, before I lose her permanently.