Stardew Valley - Dark Blue: When The Chickens Came Home To Roost (Shane)

Chapter 1: New Year's Day

Fuck me, it's hot, Shane thought to himself as he wiped an errant bead of sweat from his eye. It's spring one. I swear to Yoba, it was fucking snowing yesterday. He shed his sweat soaked hoodie, tying its sleeves tight around his bloated waist. The white undershirt beneath it was stained at the pits, but he couldn't find it in himself to give a shit.

As he meandered up the beaten path that led toward an abandoned farm that lay north of the ranch, he regretted his New Year's resolution to get more exercise — which, in Shane's head, simply meant he'd take the slightly longer way to work in the morning. He'd felt smug when he disclosed his resolution to Marnie, certain that he'd pulled a fast one on her. What was she gonna do, check his fucking pedometer app?

Shane scoffed to himself as he passed the jauntily hung sign just before the fence line, and almost immediately tripped over a rock, falling to the ground palms first. He didn't really have the luxury of feeling smug, because the great big bitchy universe took every fucking swing at him that it could.

SunnyVale Farms, Artisanal & In Season, read the sign, which creaked ominously as it swayed in the arid breeze. Shane rolled his eyes at it as he picked himself up off the ground and uselessly dusted off the knees of his shorts.

The place had really fallen into disrepair since he'd seen it last, the ground grown over thick with weeds and the once immaculate fields overtaken by rocks and branches. It would take a real piece of work to whip this place back into shape, but this spring marked ten years of old man Rosenhaal's death, and Shane couldn't imagine that anyone was ever coming to finally put the old farm out of its misery after so long. Surely if the man had any family, they would have come to lay claim over the once abundant plot of land by now.

Just as he came up the hill and passed the boggy lake occupying the center of the farm, he noticed something — something fucking creepy. The front door of the little shack that sat at the northernmost edge of the property was hanging wide open.

The first thought that crossed his mind was that a golem had finally taken up residence, which he could only attribute to the scary stories about the farm that he'd overheard Sam telling Abigail in order to get in her pants, but realistically, it was probably only Sebastian. Shane figured that the little bastard was likely holed up in the pisspoor structure smoking weed, which was a lot easier to believe than the town's rather colorful monster lore.

But then, he saw something even more suspect than a golem or a stoned Sebastian. It was a woman, and she was picking up a giant box off the porch that appeared to be falling apart as she heaved it into her arms. Was she... moving in?

For some stupid fucking reason, Shane plastered himself against the back of the nearest tree and slid down it until his ass hit the ground. What kind of fucking weirdo would he look like if he was caught wandering around the abandoned property? Obviously, he wouldn't get in any sort of trouble — not in a town like this — but either way, he wasn't in the mood to explain himself. Or his resolution.

He craned his neck to get a better view of her, and just then, he saw Robin's truck pulling up the drive, kicking up a shitload of dusk in its wake. The total MILF of a redhead threw the truck in park, and she climbed out — along with Mayor Lewis. They both walked around to the truck bed, where each of them picked up a box.

Holy shit. Someone really was moving in. Shane couldn't get a very good look at the new resident, but from his coward's seat, he could spot a head full of long, muted pink hair tied off in high pigtails, a red scarf, blue jean overalls, and pale skin — and he could see that she was grinning ear to ear at Robin and Lewis. Shane couldn't work out why, but that last part hit him right in the gut.

Even though he couldn't see her very well, he decided right there that she was probably a dead knockout. But like the coward he'd always been, he wasn't keen on sticking around to find out. Maybe Morris would make him scrub the toilets for a month if he was late again, but right then, he didn't give a fuck. He'd rather backtrack through the ranch and end up ten minutes late to work than have to unpack that whole situation.